I Can't Do This For Much Longer
My mother is only 65 years old and acts like an invalid. She has arthritis, edema, hypertension, sensitivity in her feet, sciatica problems...
Her doctor had told her she needs to exercise because it would help with the edema, but the only movement she gets all day long is getting up to go to the bathroom and then getting up from the toilet to sit right back in front of the computer in her bedroom.
She doesn't clean up after herself, she expects me to bring all her meals to her, doesn't attempt to keep her space tidy in the least. She wants to do craft activities so she gets stuff out... but according to her she's in too much pain to put any of it back.
She calls on me to get her things that are just two or three feet away from her because she can't be bothered to get up.
On top of all this, she nags. I'm in my 30's and have never had the joy of living away from her and the older the both of us have gotten, the worse she seems to nag.
She bothers me about everything and there's no end to it.
There are times when she asks me what I'm doing. Then 20 minutes later she's asking me again, "What are you doing NOW?" If I open the closet near the bedroom, which is my closet, she asks me what I'm doing, knowing full well that my clothes and much of my other belongings are in there.
She nags me about things that have absolutely nothing to do with her.
"Are you going to call that guy back about that job??" "Yes." I make the call that I didn't need her reminding me about. "Did you call??" "Yes." "Well?" "He didn't answer, Mom. I called him yesterday and left
him a message and I left him a message today." "You need to keep calling." "I'm not going to blow up his phone with constant calls, Mom." "Well you can't rely on him to call you back so you need to be calling him. It's not spam calling him if you keep calling." "Can you leave me alone?" Mind you, I have a job, I'm just applying for a better one.
I don't have any friends, I can't go out and if I do, I get yelled at for not thinking of her FIRST. She wants to know where I'm going, what I'm doing, who I'm with, how long I'm going to be and most importantly... "Who's going to feed me?" Because she won't prepare her own meals, not even to make herself a sandwich.
I'm so tired of this, I'm tired of her being here all the time, I'm tired of getting no peace for myself. I have no privacy because she doesn't want her door closed because I can't hear her if she needs me for any reason.
I've told her I'm depressed, I've told her I'm burnt out and she knows why and she doesn't do anything to change the situation. She gets mad if I get upset. I cry a lot and I've been accused in the past of crying only to make her feel bad.
I'll be 40 in a few years and I still have yet to be left to have a life of my own, yet according to her, I have my whole life ahead of me.
Really, I just want to kill myself. Almost everyday I go to sleep wishing and hoping that I never wake up, and everyday that I wake up, I bemoan the fact that I didn't die in my sleep. I think a lot about suicide these days.