I can't do this anymore.
(Hollywood, Florida, USA)
I live in Florida and my ageing mother lives in NYC. She is 87 and lives alone as my father passed away 7 years ago. I've never had a good relationship with my mom and moved away when I was younger just to avoid the constant verbal abuse.
Since dad passed away, I've done what I can for her with no family support as I'm an only child and my mother has broken bridges with all of my surviving relatives. I've attempted to assist my mom by preparing her taxes, visiting as often as I can, and getting her anything that she needs, and although I call her every day, she never bothers to call me when she has no one to talk to, and always complains that no one calls her.
She complains that she is lonely, yet there is an active supervised program with tons wellness events, parties, trips for the seniors in her building, but she does not participate. She always has something negative and nasty to say to me and to others, or she talks about subjects that are so depressing that people avoid her like the plague.
When I visit, she just verbally attacks me and doesn't allow me to help her in any capacity.
She had counseling after dad passed away, but the social worker and therapist (both licensed in the State of NY) felt that she was not making any progress, said that there was nothing more that they could do to change her thinking or behavior.
My mother is on an antidepressant, but it doesn’t seem to work. We could never live under the same roof as we have always had a volatile relationship and with my heart issues, I cannot deal with the stress as she is truly impossible, uncooperative, narcissistic, and indifferent.
She refuses to consider moving into assisted living, or getting a home aide. She also refuses to let me get here a "First Alert" system in case she falls and is alone. Her place is clean and she is still functional, but her behavior is impossible to deal with.
I'm still trying for dad's sake, but that's it. My uncle on my father's side one said that "she so miserable, that when her time comes, it would almost be a relief for all involved." Please don’t read this and think I'm a horrible person, but although hurtful to hear, I almost understand what he is trying to say.
I feel like the situation is hopeless and I'm ready to walk away. . . until i can mandate her care. I've had enough.