I am Tired!!

by Sandi
(Allentown, PA )

My Mom has been with me for 15 months. She is 84 and found out she has dementia. She is physically in good shape. Takes care of her own needs as far as showering, dressing etc. thank God.

Her mind is another story. She forgets things seconds after she says or does them. I am one of 4 children. My sister had my Mom for 16 months, 11 of the months was waiting for my Mom to go back to senior living so they new there was an end.

Also, when she had her my Mom didn't have dementia. My sister and her husband were free rolling, as a matter of fact my Mom used to watch their dog for the weekends when they went away to their home at the shore. Anyway, my sister helps during the winter mostly, because when they are going to the shore, they can't help.

My brother, the youngest, he shows up, picks my Mom up for lunch and stuff(which he is the only one that calls to take Mom and doesn't wait for me to ask)...but the other brother, he told me, his relationship with Mom is a phone call once a day. He has taken her on certain dates that I request but nothing extra.

In the 15 months she is here, I would venture a guess that maybe I asked for them to take her twice to three times a month. Not each...so 36 times out of 460 days. I have had to pay someone $80.00 for four hours because nobody could help.

My Mom is fine if I agree with her all the time and I don't upset the apple cart. I can't disagree with her,
I can't tell her she can't do something or I have to hear about all the sacrifices she made for me. Then I hand her the phone and tell her to call the other three kids and let them know all she sacrificed for them. I actually retired a few years ago, hoping this was "my time".

I am going to be 60 in July, married the second time. We raised four kids. We help with the grand kids...but I wanted to go and do and travel. That has come to a halt. I am resentful and don't want to be. I feel trapped. I feel like I have no freedom.

My husband has been great and supportive but he continues to go out with friends and stuff and I encourage him to, this is my Mom. Not his. Why should he have to be closed in with me? Her own children don't even bare that responsibility.

I wish their was an alternative that was good for the elderly, that doesn't break the family monetarily and gives caregivers the break they need. I looked into a nursing home and they have to go their for a minimum of two weeks for $2400. For two weeks! Who has that kind of money?

I don't know what is going to happen but today I was having a really bad day and needed to vent...so thank you for that opportunity! I pray for all the caregivers on this site and everywhere. Our parents don't know how lucky they are!

I feel like my Mom is going to outlive me. All she has to do is sleep, eat and take her pills...I do the rest! And its still not enough for her!

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