I am the Baby, the Nurse, and have Done it all for Years!!! I am DONE!
(Clifton Park, NY USA)
I am a baby boomer, who has always cared for my elderly parents, because I am the RN in the family. I was a single mother for 16 years, therefore my parents always helped me, so I guess it was pay back. WELL>>>>>>>>>> I worked a VERY stressful job this past summer, and dealt with my 89 year old father's increasingly frustrating health.
You see, he is insulin diabetic,and has early onset dementia, along with a HOST of other problems. Really he was pretty good, for a while, but recently, when I was working at this tough job, taking a class, still raising my sons at home..... I LOST IT... Not only do I oversee all his medical conditions, because I am best suited, and no offense, but the other 4 sisters screwed up so many medical appointments, which made my job tougher.
Overall, there are 5 daughters ages 48 to 60. I am the youngest, and as I said the RN. There are 3 of us, close by, who have each helped out, for the most part. But I am in NP school, now, and I cannot do it any longer. I was almost having a nervous breakdown, when I had to talk to my Dad, about his insulin dosage....make sure he took it, and didn't take it twice, order his pulls, take him to 7-9 specialists.......bring him food, go to this house, and always cleaned while there.
I guess what finally GOT me was when I realized, it wasn't humanly possible to do what I was doing. I, as an RN, am kind and compassionate, but let me tell you, that is going out the window. I know how to be diplomatic, ask nicely, which I just did....... and I got nothing but resistance. I can help 1 x a month, when I have helped 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, she could offer 1 day a month? Gee thanks I just deleted my swear word. I am a good person, a good christian, and have really enjoyed helping all these years, but as the end is approaching, they are all suggesting I move him in with me. Then I have 1- sister who is the master of manipulation, she is SO good that you don't know what hit you, until you've already succumbed to her tasks.
I always feel guilty, like I didn't do enough, I have backed away, and asked my young sons 21 and 23 to PLEASE help, only to be met with resistance. He wants you, the nurse. I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE! I don't even like him, right now. He was NOT nice, when I
was growing up, he was NOT supportive, he was alcoholic, he never encouraged me academically or in my dreams, I HAD TO FIGHT FOR ALL OF THEM>>>>>>> so yes, I am resentful, quite angry.
The pot will be split, 5 ways, and I did a lot more than most. As of late, they want me to be the executrix of his will, because I am a pushover, and will divide it all more fairly than my 60 yr lackadaisical sister, but they may be foolishly surprised.
I AM TIRED..... not to mention, I am not well. I have had 3 major orthopedic fusions since 2007. I have had it tough. They are all fawning over my one sister, who has a benign brain tumor, which I understand "SOUNDS" more serious, but none helped me or offered me any words of support. None of them. Granted, I am being nice, and supportive of my sister, for I know it's scarey, but what the heck......then they always "expect" the most from me, because I am the GIVER. But, I am so sorry, I am DONE giving.
I need to "take" for the next 2 years. I have waited 2 years to make the grade to get into grad school, to become an advanced practice nurse....... NOW HIS TIMING is screwing up my entire career. I gave up, full time, to commit to part time, to take care of him and my mom, when she was still here, and because my husband had a great job, I was able to. Not to mention I could no longer do the staff work, due to my ortho problems. BUT, I gave up a lot of money.
SO HOW DO I NOT LOOK FOR A ROPE TO HANG MYSELF? How do I not feel angry. What do I say? Can I finally achieve my dreams? or is it too late, have I just dug my own grave, because I DID do it all those years? My sons, think I am horrid to even think of not helping, as they trot off to their dreamland.
Sorry, I am usually a lot of fun, really nice, and really caring. I have had it. I am messing up at school, because of all of this. I get all A's, rejected 2 times to grad school, finally get in, on the 3rd try, which just made the years go by, and my Dad, really needs assisted living. I didn't do it for the money, I really didn't.
There isn't much. The sad thing is, the 2 who need it the most, DID NOTHING. I guess this is my test in life, like I needed another one.