I am Terribly Stressed

by Ellen
(Kentucky)

My parents took me and my two children in after a bad marriage to an emotional abuser. I got a job, but the salary was not enough to allow me to get a home of my own.


By the time I was able to, my parents were getting older and frailer and I felt I needed to stay and help them. My mother had severe arthritis and hypertension.

I ran her errands, took her to the doctor, took charge of her medications and helped in every way I could until she became unable to stand and had to go to a nursing home.

Then my father had a stroke that left him with dementia that got progressively worse. I work full time and cannot afford to retire. I took care of him for three years as he declined more and more mentally.

He could not form a sentence, he began to pee in corners, he would fly into rages, he would wander out into the neighbor's yard, turn on the stove - you get the picture.

I have 8 siblings 5 of them live in town. I got almost no help from them and when I would try to call, no one would answer. I was still working and my father was wandering around at night. I could not take it anymore and had a breakdown.

He is in assisted memory care now. And most of my siblings will not talk to me. They said my breakdown was just "throwing a fit" even though I told them my doctor diagnosed me. They throw it in my face that I raised my voice to my father.

Well, try and come home to a pile of feces on the floor or a washer full of table scraps and try to work on only three hours sleep.

I am seeing a therapist now.

My father is actually much happier and is safe. My sister who is the worst about calling me out has not been to see him in months.

I need to let it go, but it hurts me so much to be accused of being cruel. I was not and I did my best, but I'm 64 years old and I just couldn't take it anymore.

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Me Too
by: Anonymous

I have six siblings - one died two years ago from cancer - one is profoundly retarded and lives in a FT excellent care facility which I frequently visit to see him (no other sibling does nor has) and after a bad marriage and loss of income, I moved away from my state 12 hours by car - and in with my elderly parents.

Two well off siblings live 2 and four hours away respectively. They do nothing to help but consider showing up to spend birthdays and unannounced (to me at least) visits to check up on my care of them.

My father is a narcissist and is 91. His cold cruel behavior to me has worsened since I have been here helping getting my mother sober and doing all that needs to be done. He used to love me or so I thought until I divorced and was short term homeless.

My kids also hate me from the divorce and will not speak to me or my family.

I work a part time high stress job without benefits and have to be here to help my parents all the time.

They are dysfunctional and my sisters are the worst at having excluded me since I was a kid. They show up here and do nothing with me. Never invite me to their house or out to do fun things for a break.

My parents went on a trip to FL and one of my sisters tried to go with them - I wasn't even considered.

She then called a nearby cousin who never stops over here and asked how my parents are doing.

I have had enough.

I told my dad I felt sad one day in an email while they were on their trip and he said he does not care.

I feel like giving up a lot. What do I have to be here for them if I am worthless. It's so stupid.

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I understand
by: Anonymous

(((HUGS))) Big squishy hugs for you Ellen. I am glad that you are receiving some therapy. This is too much for one person to handle. I am sorry that you had to go it alone.

I have a similar situation. It took me saying I would step away entirely and all of it would be on my siblings, to get any help.

I was being used by them so they could live their lives without the complications.

It is my mother.

She is mid way through vascular dementia and can no longer safely live at home. My brother and sister gave me all kinds of hell because I could not do more for her.

I have my adult son at home, who suffers from disabling bipolar disorder and he was regressing and developed kidney issues.

I don't have any advice for you. Maybe you could have your parent's doctor schedule a family meeting with you and your siblings. He can explain the situation, and make sure they understand that one person cannot do this on their own. I did that and it helped.

We just had a second conference so that the doctor can make sure my brother understands the need. It took me a while to get heard. My brother is now sort of on board with getting my mom placed in a home. He is dragging his feet, but he is now ready.

Taking care of our parents is the most difficult thing we have to do, I think. Please don't listen to anyone who judges you or belittles you. (((HUGS)))

P.S. I am in KY too.

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