I am "mean to Mommy"

by Janie
(Indiana )

Just purely frustrated. My mother is all sweet to the world but the minute no one can hear the conversation I'm the devil. My mother is 93, I'm 56. She constantly tells me I'm "mean to Mommy. Mommy took you in like a stray dog (I'm adopted) and you should be grateful to Mommy."


Her mobility is getting questionable with a Walker. She weighs twice what I do and thinks I should hold her up. I physically cannot do that. Right now, she lives independently in a nice little apartment.

But on errand day the last month or so, the main topic is what a wretch I am for not moving her into our house. I just can't. This is beyond stressful.

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Borderline personality disorder
by: Sherri

Your mom sounds borderline. She is using you, she is purposely disregarding your needs, and at 56, she's not your 'mommy'. This is her exerting power by keeping you the hapless little girl, a manipulation. Don't play that role. Decide what you are, and are not willing to do. It's okay. You don't have to be her little bitch.

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Been there too
by: Anonymous

Sounds to me like you need to get other caregivers in with your mom. No discussion on it either. Plain and simple your mom is abusing you. I see by your post it's taking a toll on you.

IMO it's time to step back. I did the same thing - have an abusive mom and had to step back. Glad I did, and wish I had done so sooner. Hugs for you - it's hard, but it's for the best.

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Unrealistic expectations
by: Anonymous

You are not "mean to mommy (dearest). She has unrealistic expectations of you. The way she talks to you is inappropriate and cruel. Do not make the mistake of letting her move in with you. Assisted living would be the best option at this point.

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You know you can’t do don’t
by: Anonymous

My mom has done the same thing to me in the past. Sweet as she can be in front of others and abusive as heck in private. I’ve had to stop dealing with her on a daily basis.

Fortunately she’s in an assisted living so now I don’t have to, but when she lived on her own it was more difficult. Maybe you should consider getting other help to go in several days a week so you get a break from her abuse before it completely breaks you. Just a thought.

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