I (a working daughter-in-law) became the caregiver of a man who had two non-working daughters

Caregiver in law Anger and Resentment.

My Alzheimer-suffering mother-in-law had already been dumped on me for the weekends while her two daughters looked after her during the week. I appreciate they needed a rest from her, but they each got it when the other took over and they could have taken turns looking after her over the weekends (my only time to get my household chores done). I didn't know who to feel more sorry for--myself or the poor bewildered old lady my Mother in Law had become.

Fortunately this fiasco lasted only until they found a rest home with the necessary "secure" facilities. So when my in-laws decided, some time after my Mother in Law's death, that my Father in Law could no longer look after himself alone, and they called a family conference (from which I was excluded).... I was decidedly uneasy. But, I reasoned, if they expected me to be involved they would surely have invited me to the conference. And surely nobody would be so stupid, so heartless, so positively cruel, as to dump an old man on a woman who had to work (so she and her husband could pay the mortgage) when my father in law had two daughters who didn't work, and one of them was filthy rich to boot? But when my husband came home the first thing he said was, "Dad's moving in with us." Please note, I wasn't *asked*; I was told.

Now, to add insult to injury, I have had the elder of my father in laws' two daughters dumped on me (she's 87 and I'm 64 and suffering from osteoporosis). Once again I wasn't asked. Well, I was, but my husband simply rode over my objections that I didn't think it was in his sister's interests (stuck in the country where she couldn't even make any friends of her own age) never mind his interests or mine.

I'm having trouble coping with my resentment and resulting anger. I wouldn't feel so resentful if I felt my Sister in Law had done her fair share of looking after her elderly parents.

As if to add to my troubles, my Sister in Law's food dislikes when she first came to us were enough to cut my small repertoire of recipes by at least half. When she decided she didn't like chicken it became worse. Chicken is high in popularity with most people caring for the elderly because it is so versatile and tender. We farm our own beef (on 5 acres) but I find that she won't eat it unless I've first shoved it through the mincer. Pork can be a good standby when catering for the elderly too, but she won't eat any meat from the pig. She also claims to be allergic to gluten and dairy but eats enough to affect her should this really be the case (but doesn't eat enough to help put some flesh on her skeleton-covered-in-skin frame). She claims they make her nose run, but I've never seen such an "unsnotty" 87-year-old. The only times she has suffered from a runny nose she proved to have caught a cold.

I cope with my anger and resentment (mostly aimed at my husband) by retiring from the room every time he annoys me and kicking and punching the air, pretending it's him, while I call him all the names under the sun that I can think of.

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