Husband Expects Me to Take Care of His Parents!!

by Tammy

I don’t really know where to start & this is gonna be long!! I’ve been married to my husband for 19 years. Through out the years we have supported his Dad from cigarettes to buying his beer.

He has been an alcoholic for 16 of the 20 years I have known him up until 5 years ago. When he quit drinking because of a bad fall all he does is sit on his couch watch TV & smoke. He takes a bath & changes clothes maybe twice a year when my husband makes him & my Husband has to bath him!!

My husband & I did all his shopping. I might add he got disability after his accident which doesn’t amount to anything because he hardly held down a job due to being an alcoholic. My husbands Grandmother put him up in a small mobile home before she passed to be sure he had a home.

I use to clean his house & I still do his grocery shopping for him. He wouldn’t even get off couch to carry in groceries or even put them away. He is in my mind just useless. He has tried to beat shit out of me on 2 different occasions but things didn’t turn out in his favor!

I can be a pretty mean scrapper when provoked & he lost both times! He is just a mean hateful dirty old man who thinks everyone owes him something!! I fix supper every night & my husband takes him a plate. He we go out to eat we bring him something back. Now I must add he gets food stamps. So his food stamps go to snack food lunch meat fruit & things for him to eat through out day till his supper comes that I fix or bring him from town.

We supply his supper food on our bill...... so now on to MIL, she left my husband & his dad when my husband was 15 & moved out of state. For 1st 13 years she never sent any Christmas birthday cards or anything. I phone call once in a great while.

Well 7 years ago she decided to move back & live with us till she got on her feet. She got on her feet pretty quickly & lived with us for some time before I threatened divorce if she didn’t move on her own.

The whole time she lived with us never paid anything never bought anything spent it all gambling & that’s why I said she needed to be on her own.

Well finally got her on her own & two years later she is diagnosed with cancer of spine & lung. She came through surgery very well @ moved back in with us.

I had her walking without assistance doing her own laundry & showering & very independent.

Treatments are working & cancer is shrinking! Even fixing her own breakfast & lunch!Well I have numerous things wrong with me I’m constantly in pain so had a spinal cord stimulator put in my spine & back. Absolutely no lifting bending twisting squatting for 8 weeks.

Day after I come home FIL gets admitted to hospital, husband stays by his side 24/7. Have not ate in 2 days because I’m not allowed to twist bend etc etc etc. now MIL is home with me & decides to hide in her
room. I yell for her numerous times to come help me, I’m ignored!

Finally I fix me something to eat that takes forever cause I can’t bend so on so forth & no sooner get it done sit done at table to eat & here she comes!! Did you fix enough for me she says!!!!! I was livid!!

She fixed her a bowl goes to her room & I'm left with dishes because I see her no more that night!!

So FIL isn’t doing very good so the send him to nursing home because for whatever reason he has decided to stop eating @ call hospice & organs are shutting down.

So MIL moves im FIL house where my step son also lived. With I’m 2 days threw out step son who had been paying the bills there. So now step son is here!!

In midst of all this I had to have emergency kidney surgery two weeks after spinal surgery. Day I came home from hospital with a pee tube & bag hanging out my back FIL gets sent back to hospital & husband wants me to go with him.

I did ended being there all night & feet swell so bad I can’t walk. Demand husband take me home cause I’m so much pain. Husband gets mad & brings me home.

Forward a couple weeks later MIL still in FIL house FIL has taken 100% turn around & wants to come home. Now here comes the big problem!!! Husband wants me to take care oh MIL who has decided to no longer walk or take care of herself wants to lay on couch all day & sleep & birches cause she can’t sleep at night, refused to walk in yard as previously & husband wants to bring FIL home & me take care of him also!!

Husband goes every night to different restaurants & buys them supper to the point I have no money for gas to get to doctor appointment for myself.

He is mad because I refuse to take care of 2 people who have never been nothing but hateful to me!! When MIL doesn’t get her way she tells Husband you don’t love Mommy you just want Mommy to die etc etc etc. when FIL doesn’t get his way he tells husband he hopes he rots in hell & he is a no good sob etc etc etc.

When I try to talk to Husband about this & how they treat him & we are gonna get divorced over this he tells me I’m the problem or I am the one who has the problem. I’m so ready to leave but get little income on disability plus I can’t afford our car & rent on my income.

Need car to get back & forth to Dr to which I usually have 2 a week. I might add Husband just went out & bought. $50000 truck also when we are not getting by as it is spending so much on parents!! I despise or even say I hate the both of them!

I could never imagine in my lifetime to expect out of my kids that they expect from him. I would never ever ask or let’s my kids do any of what they expect from him!! I’m at my wits end!!! What can I do or what do I do?!?!? Any advice is welcomed!

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I agree you should leave.
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for your situation and your health problems. I so agree with the person who said you should leave. Maybe if your hubby had to do it ALL he would realize what he has been expecting of you.
You aren't able to care for them anyway with your health issues.

As much as your husband wants to help his parents, you should come first. You really need his help.

I think it's extremely unfair of him to expect you to do it all for HIS parents.

Stand firm, and take care of YOU!

Good luck.

by: Anonymous

If you have any income to live on your own or maybe with a relative then I would leave. Life is really short and it sounds like you are in a miserable situation.

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