How to Deal with Elderly Parents Living with Us
(New York )
Parents moved in with us. Couldn't afford independent living facility anymore. 86 year old Mother has dementia & constantly complains about everything. She is totally helpless & has one medical issue after another. She is very demanding & expects instant gratification.
She expects my 90 year old father to look after her during the day. My husband is retired but runs a lot & I work full time. I rush home to give them a home cooked meal every day, etc.
I can handle the care & looking after their needs but can't handle her constant mean comments, how she can't stand to have great grandchildren over for more then a minute & how she is glued like a leech & totally dependent on my Dad.
I feel angry.
If I say anything back to her she like we want to have grand kids here or anything she doesn't like she gets real nasty & says she is leaving. My siblings all live in other states & hardly ever call them...they have never asked how it is going...wonder why.
My husband is handling it better then me...he is more removed & doesn't have parent/child history with them. My mother had always been domineering & walks all over my Dad. She try's to tell me what to do, whines & witches about everything...she doesn't feel good 98% of the time so I guess that with the dementia just makes her a miserable & unhappy person.
Also my daughter is pregnant for the first time & she resents the time I spend with her & the attention she gets & constantly talks about when she was pregnant with my brother her firstborn..& how she did this & how she did that....same stories over & over again.
I have already talked to my husband about them leaving but we renovated to have them move in & it hasn't even been a month...yep..where would they go.
I want them to be safe & their needs taken care of but I worry about my father he is very quiet...she is Dr. Jekyll & me Mr. Hyde with him yet he does everything for her. So many issues.
Husband said call her bluff & say go which I plan to do the next time she says that. Suggest I talk to sister but says if they move in with her that's the end of their marriage. Any suggestions to get thru this?