How Much Longer, God?

How much longer am I going to have to do this? It’s going on 8 years. Mom eats and drinks very little. She’s bed-bound. She is awake 2 hours a day and sleeps 22. She remembers nothing of her past, barely knows what she’s doing in the moment, and starting to not know me.

Her eyesight is gone. Her mind is gone. She lives in a world of fog and dark shadows. Does she just go on until that one moment when the last little bit of energy in the battery drains out?

That one moment between doing everything for her to doing nothing? What will that feel like? Like someone pulled the rug out? A flood of sweet relief? Will I just be standing here shaking my head? Will I be angry for years lost? Will I be grateful for any second I have left?

I don’t know if I’ll have one year or ten. She’s 98! What if she lives like this for another year? She’s had many more years than I will ever have. Why do I have to give my last best to her worst?

What good is this ending for anyone at this point?

Mom is like a plant that is dying and I just keep watering it. I’ve given mom all the love I possibly can. What else am I supposed to learn here? What could possibly be left? I’ve given it my all.

Every minute I pour into someone who is slowly dying is another minute I am not pouring into my own life which is also slowly dwindling. I’ve passed the tipping point. Now there is a definite imbalance.

The more time goes by, the more I realize how precious it is, the more I want to be spending quality time in my own life. I get it God.

Don’t waste a minute. Love is all that matters. So please let me move on from this and go live that. I’m ready.

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How much longer God?
by: Anonymous

I know how both of you feel.

With each passing day I try to have a better attitude but instead, the minute I hear the clicking of her walker, the anger and resentment comes flooding back.

She is thriving and living a nice long life in our home while I have so many health problems to tend to.

It seems so unfair to many of us who are sacrificing our lives for our elderly parents while using up the time we may have left. Who knows what our lives will be like when we are finally free from this burden.

I don't want to feel this way, but it just gets worse with each passing day. It's been over a year now of my mom living with us and my husband says that our home is not a happy place.

Having siblings who won't help share the burden only makes things worse,

So many of us are in this same situation. I'm so glad we can at least come here to vent and share with those who know and understand what this is all about.

Take good care and I wish you all the best that life has to offer.

I understand
by: Anonymous

I've had my mom here with me now for two years and one of my biggest fears is that in 6 more years I will be you writing a similar post. Good Lord, I hope not.

Her yearly physical was last week and there is absolutely nothing wrong with her other her brain dying a slow death. Me, on the other hand though, now has high blood pressure, I've put on 25 pounds from emotional eating, I'm taking an anti-depressant when I've never needed one my entire life, I have asthma now from her chain smoking, and my left leg is swollen and all signs are a blood clot and you know? I just don't even give a rat's ass enough to even make a doctor's appointment.

Living this life just sucks the life right out of you. I can wake up in the morning with plans to clean or start some project and then when I hear that walker in the morning any ambitions I had are just gone. This is the most horrible existence I've ever lived in my 65 years on this earth.

I worked my entire life waiting for the day I could retire (which I did two years ago to care for her) to enjoy life, but have been robbed of that. Like you, I wonder daily how many more years are going to go by living this shallow existence? By the time she's gone will I then be her? As each month on the calendar turns over I get more sad and more scared that the last years of my life are really hers.

So I know exactly what you are feeling and saying. It makes no sense. Not for the person waiting for life to end nor for the person caring for them. My daily motto has to be "It is what it is" because there are no answers.

I don't know how you've survived 8 years. I feel very sorry for you. It's a horrible situation to live in knowing the only answer for yourself is for someone's life to end. Life can not be any crueler than this.

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