How I Deal with Alzheimer's Mom

Real simple...I agree with everything she says or I make something up because she's going to ask me again in five minutes so what difference does it make?


She asks, is today Friday? Yes, I say. It's really Saturday but who cares? She'll be asking me again soon.

She asks, do I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday? I answer yes or no, it makes no difference, I'm certainly not going to tell her ahead of time. When Tuesday comes, if she has an appointment, I tell her on Tuesday.

If she tells stories wrong, I comment on her reality, not mine. If she says there are two girls in that family and she's forgotten the third one who happens to be her God daughter, I say Yes! two girls. If she throws out the wrong year my Dad died or even what he died of, I say yes to both.

What the hell difference does it make??? None.

I use to stress over every single wrong thing she said, I'd get so angry trying to get it right in her head.

At that point, she wouldn't even remember what we were talking about, so I would repeat the whole conversation foaming at the mouth by now and she would then say her infamous line that pushed me over the edge...What's wrong with you?

For a while I almost quit talking completely, except for grunts and a few yeahs, but the silence was unbearable. By letting her ramble on incoherently I've opened up a new channel of communication. She thinks she's well-informed and sharp and I get to live in a world of imagination. Win-Win.

The idea is the KISS formula. Keep It Simple, Stupid.
Don't argue ad infinitum, don't stress, don't search for truth or try to be right, don't debate, turn off your auto correct button.

Just let it go. Ahhhhh...deep breath...sigh.
So much easier.

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KISS
by: linda

It really is the best way forward as they don't know what is right and we can upset them by becoming stressed and upset because they don't understand what they have done wrong.

My mum is aware if I am upset or stressed and becomes upset herself. Not always easy to do when you are juggling lots of things but very good advice.

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JUST WHAT I NEEDED!
by: Anonymous

Wonderful advice, "KISS"
I try so hard to please and keep mom happy, but doesn't matter how much I do with her, multiple shopping sprees each week, time in the evening watching TV or playing a game or just sitting with her trying to carry a conversation (very hard of hearing),or inviting her friends over for lunch, at the end of the day, she is "lonely" and thinks she hasn't had company or been out for months.

Makes me feel like I am letting her down and not doing enough, but at the end of a week, I am exhausted from doing and trying to entertain.

You are right, it doesn't matter what, when, where or how much, she won't remember anyway, so I need to stop stressing, relax and just agree with her. I won't stop entertaining her, but I will not take it personally when she doesn't remember!

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Great Advice
by: Anonymous

i just read your comments regarding the KISS system. I am going to try it. My mother always repeats herself and I almost always try to correct her. It drives me crazy. Thanks for the wonderful tip.

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