How do you Cope with the Feelings of Guilt when Placing your Aing Mother in a frail care unit of a Nursing Home?
by Nadia Green
Today I am afraid my story is not a happy one. For 6 years I have been looking after Mom 24/7 and last month my health just started giving in. Mom was admitted to hospital day after Christmas and stayed there until 5 January 2014.
She is 89 years old and suffers of the beginning stages of dementia. She is unable to walk anymore and needs full time professional care.
We discussed the matter together and she agreed that it would be best for her to go to a care facility. The problem is I know she did this for me, not for her. The last thing she would have wanted is to be locked up in an old age home with lots of people invading her privacy. She is a very private person and now needs to share a room.
I must also explain that Mom and I lived together my entire life, I never married so it was just her and I.
Not only have I lost my best mate through Dementia, but I have to cope knowing I failed her that I was not able to look after her to the end of her days.
It is breaking my heart.
I visit her twice a day, make sure she eats and the staff looks after her well. Sometimes I pop in in the evenings as well. Yet every time I leave I feel rotten and guilty.
I am crying constantly and wonder through the house like a ghost and do not want to do a thing. She is on my mind constantly even when i sleep. I just cannot get her frail little face out of my mind. I know she is lonely and depressed and there is not a thing I can do to make it better.
I know I have to handle this but how?