How Do I Enjoy the Company of My Elderly Parent When They Show Signs of Anger

by Irene
(Detroit)

I am the care giver for my 81 elderly mother.

My mom has health issues but none that are serious. I make sure all her needs are met.

I noticed lately when I am with her she makes such mean comments towards me. Many people have said this to me also. She treats me differently than others.

She's kind to my friends and other people that visit her, but there's always a harsh comment that is left for me.

Any suggestions?
Thank you
Irene

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It's Hard
by: Anonymous

Hi Irene!

I hope you find my comment, because after reading lots of other posts it was yours I wanted to comment on. I too am a caregiver, for my 95 year old grandfather, and when I was a kid he was my favorite person in the world (and to a point still is).

But...over the past five years of caring for him, I have to hear about how wonderful his son is, how wonderful their children are, all of them so wonderful...and last week he told me, "you're not a real welder because..." (not going to bore you with the details) I myself find it very hard to be around him when I am insulted (he insulted me for what I do for a living -- he called it "yard sales" -- when I sell vintage clothing at car shows).

The thing is -- does he really know what he is saying? Does he really comprehend that his insults hurt my feelings? Does he understand that if I was not here in his town that he might not be living in his home or at all?

For me it is so hard to "let it roll off my back" especially when he talks about people who tried to take full advantage of him in the past (you know, pretend to be his friend for their own gain) yet when I stepped in to protect him from this I am the "bad guy" -- yeah I'm the bad guy for protecting him from being ripped off! I'm the bad guy for doing what's right!?

So I guess my point is - it is so hard to have to listen to negativity - and I wish I had some solution for you and me - for anyone in this situation...are they (our elders) mad at themselves for getting old and taking it out on us? Are they mad because their memory has gone to pot? Are they mad because they are depressed?

Maybe that is it -- anger and depression. But it is so hard to get an elder to admit they are depressed.

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