How can They do This?

We have spent every Thanksgiving with my wife's parents, even when we lived far away, so they wouldn't be alone. My wife's brother and his family have always gone away for Thanksgiving.


My wife's parents are now totally dependent upon my wife for everything, and she spends about half of her time every week caring for them. We moved so that she could do this for them. Her brother, who lives equally close, does almost nothing. He has always been her parents' favorite because he was a football star. This year, he and his family are staying in town. They are spending Thanksgiving with my wife's parents, and we aren't invited. My wife has been asked to take her mother shopping for the groceries, however.

This seems like the last straw to me.

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Sounds like my siblings!
by: Anonymous

My mother is stage 4 - 5 vascular dementia and is still in her home. I had to tell my siblings that if they wouldn't help more, that I would step away and they could deal with it all! And then do it!

My sister hardly helps at all, my brother,more, but not enough! I do almost everything for my mother - everyday.

No, I do not have an outside job, but I am still caring for my adult son who is debilitated by his early onset(born with it) manic-depression. I am burning out and I told them so. All I got in return was anger and accusations.

My siblings actually thought that Mom would come to live with us. I have told many times that I cannot go through that again. They do not believe what I tell them about Mom's out of it days. They say they have never seen it - BS.

They choose not to see. They will not consider a long term care facility yet, even though that is the best option. They truly believe that my mom is safe living alone.

I got resistance from both of them - they would not go to a family meeting with her doctor, would not consider looking for a home we all like and get mom on a waiting list. That really was the last straw!

Just this week, my brother relented and is going to the family meeting, and we have the visiting nurse association coming to help! I have no idea what happened that made him change his mind.

Maybe the thought of me NOT helping did it. I am grateful. I will still help, but not every day. And, my brother will at least have a better understanding of mom's dementia and what it will really take as far as her care.

Tell your siblings that if they don't help, they will have to do it all. And then(if it's safe to do so)don't go a day or two and see what happens. They may see that you mean business.

I would tell your brother that if they are having Thanksgiving there, then they can darn well do the shopping for it! And you and your family can enjoy a peaceful day all to yourselves!

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