by Jannette

I am very resentful towards my sister. Because I don't work and live closer to our mother, I do most of the trips to the doctor and taking our mother to different places...stores, shopping, to the ER on numerous occasions, etc.

My sister has plans to go away for Christmas, but did not not tell me. She did tell my mother.

Am I wrong in feeling that she should do me the courtesy of mentioning it to me? She doesn't bother to check to see if we have made any plans. Suppose my husband and I had decided to go away?

Granted my sister and I really don't get along well, we are cordial to each other, but I don't think that telling me to has plans to go out of town for Christmas is too much to ask.

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You're Right
by: Anonymous

How insightful. I never really thought of it that way, but you are absolutely right. She does look down on me. She did the same thing when my father was dying.

One day when my father was in the hospital, my mother asked my sister to go and stay with him (he was very ill) as she was so tired. I stopped by the hospital and my sister made the comment, "Is this going to be an ongoing thing, because I have a life." I couldn't believe those words came out of her mouth. I was so stunned that I didn't say anything.

I don't know why I even expect any consideration from her when it's obvious she doesn't have any except for herself.

Thank you so much for your comments, really made me think.

You have Every Right to be Outraged.
by: Anonymous

Don't you get it? Why should she consider the "help" when she makes plans? Because you have taken on the role of helping your mother, she no longer regards you as her equal. This is what I have generally observed and experienced in such situations.

The person who does the most is looked down upon by all the rest of the family members. They are relieved of the burden of doing the menial chores that are unpaid and less than pleasant. They go on with their lives while you have to plan your schedule around your parents' appointments.

It was recently suggested that I use 5 days of my Christmas break to take care of my mom and handicapped sister so my dad could visit relatives. When I suggested that my retired sister could stay with mom and sis, he said, "I don't think she can do that." So, you see, only certain family members are relegated to the hard work of caregiving, while the others are simply exempt.

Lucky you!

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