Hello to all the Caregivers out there and a Happy, Festive Season - from a fellow caregiver

by Nadia
(South Africa)

It has been a while since I last wrote an article and today I felt the need to do so. As a fellow caregiver I know how hard life is and also what a thankless task it can be. Mom is now 87 years old and in the last couple of months her mind has not been too good.


The usual feelings of anger and frustration and then the guilt that follows are still there from time to time and of course the self pity. BUT never feel bad about those feelings they are normal and a way to release the stress a bit. My biggest danger is getting into a depression , it is so hard to get out of it again.

A new year is around the corner with new experiences and challenges, I do not think we will ever get an experience that is too hard to manage but it is scary to think what is lying ahead of us.

All we can do is move forward as best we can. Try to live for yourself and not because people dictate what they think you ought to do. This is your life and yes, at the moment not exactly all your own but give yourself a little ME time, you deserve it.

I know this time of year is a very sad time for some of us, I am one of those people that fall into the loneliness syndrome category and find this time of year particularly sad. BUT I am going to fight against it and live in the moment, surround myself with happy thoughts, good music and my animals .

I truly hope all of you have a happy and peaceful festive season without tears and rather full of laughter. Let's try and see the good side of things.

My prayers are with all of you

Nadia

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Hi there all ye caregivers
by: Anonymous

It's that time of year again, and why is it always when we feel the most vulnerable or at least I do. I guess it is a time to be jolly, but we have a sad situation that eats at our heartstrings.

My Mom is now 89 years old and up to this morning did fairly well. But this morning she was admitted to hospital, they are not quite sure what is wrong but I do not think it is long now.

I had such a wonderful day yesterday where she, for the first time in four years actually spoke sentences,and told me she is very happy and actually smiled. I thank God for that miracle that we had time to talk like the old days.

Unfortunately it was short lived and as I write this comment she is sedated and thankfully sleeping

I have never been so scared of the future than I am now (Mom and I have been together my entire life =55 years and it has always just been her and me staying together)I am not sure how I will cope with the loneliness but hope God will give me the strength.

I wish you all a wonderful 2014 with lots and lots of miracles and happiness

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Nadia what a very nice post.
by: Anonymous

Nadia season greetings to you and a happy new year.You are not alone as my husband suffered a major stroke June first of this year it paralyzed and took out his whole left side.

I have 5 son's ages 30 27 26 daughter 16 years and son 12 years. They must think a stroke is a joke. I get no help from them as they tell me to deal with it. They don't care. It changed my life forever.

I don't expect my 12 year old son to do a lot except he is helpful. But, what is wrong with the older ones? No matter what I say they just don't care. Nobody ever knows when their husband or dad would have a major stroke and it changes lives forever it only seemed to change mine.

As I am the primary caregiver. Bathing, dressing him and appointments are like a deck of cards. And so much more.I give you people a lot of credit like ourselves doing what we do.I just keep staying strong for myself and my husband.

Merry Christmas and bless all of you people caregivers.

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Back At You!
by: Fellow Caretaker

Nadia, how sweet of you to take the time to think of us caretakers and to share your thoughts and wishes for a positive holiday experience. I really needed to hear that it's okay for us to feel anger and resentment--sometimes I think those feelings, at least for me, stem from the knowledge that my mom won't be here for many more years.

Although I know that losing loved ones is part of life and is to be expected, I find myself often panicked and grief-stricken when I think about it. My mother's time here is running out, and rather than feeling grief and panic about not having her, I should be making the most of our time together.

Nothing can really prepare us for that great sense of loss and loneliness. Bless you for your words of comfort and encouragement.

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Holiday Wishes!
by: Anonymous

Hi Nadia,
It is sooo good to hear from you again! I remember you--didn't you tell us about the large cut out puzzle pieces you made for you mum?
So sorry to hear that your mom is declining a bit more.

As soon as I was reading your post I wished we lived near each other so I could give you a holiday gift. The best I can do is send a 'virtual' gift of dried persimmons in a nice see through cellophane bag with a red ribbon and some grapefruit essential oil, triple milled, french soap. The grapefruit smell is so great to help lift our spirits when depression threatens to take us down-way down.

Sometimes I put two bottles of essential oils under my nose and take a big whiff-lavender and grapefruit-it makes me feel so good!
Thank you for your holiday wishes. I wish you health and good cheer through the holidays and into the new year.
Mary from California USA
p.s.
Please don't wait so long to write to us again, I so enjoy your kind and gentle spirit!

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