Heartbroken and Feeling Used
I am separated from my husband for six years, but he has PTSD, so I am still here looking after him. His mother has dementia, and I have been helping to care for her. I am often a liaison between my husband and his sisters, relaying messages to him.
This morning, while I was waiting for my mother-in-law to wake up, I started reading some helpful hints in a Manila folder left out for the caregivers. I found a release form for my husband as third contact after his sisters. I used to be fourth, but it has been changed. I am now only to be contacted with limited information, and only if they can't contact the siblings.
This upsets me for four reasons
- First, I was never notified that it was being changed, and I have continued to help care for her and relay messages to my husband
- Second, I am expected to notify my husband with limited information, and tell him to call them back to get the whole picture.
- Third, I was lied to. I was told that the change took place because the company that controls her care insisted on it. This has to be a lie. I have never heard anything like this in all my years in elder care.
Last, but not least, I never separated from my mother-in-law. I loved and cared for her like I would my own mother.
I feel like I have been used to fill in the gaps without the privilege of being her daughter-in-law after 37 years.
I gave my notice today, and told them that they would have to work together to care for her without my help. I will look after my own family. My mother-in-law thinks I'm just another caregiver, so she won't miss me.