I am caring for my 62 year old mother with emphysema who has given up on life. She stays in bed for the majority of the day; getting up to take a shower (because I make her) and to eat.
Once she has completed these tasks she goes right back to bed. My husband and I take care of her laundry, picking up medication, taking her to her doctors appointments,do her shopping for her, etc., etc. On top of this we both work full time jobs and raise a teenage daughter. There is little time for each other but we make the best of it.
Sad to say, I have resentment issues stemming from her abandoning me and my siblings as children (two brothers and a sister). Since I was the oldest I fell into caregiver role. It is a work in progress for me daily to not succumb to bitterness.
All this would be fine if my siblings (who visit once in a while, usually needing money) wouldn't feel the need to criticize. Mom gets a hot meal everyday for lunch but sometimes when I work late she has to get dinner for herself; which means warming up leftovers, microwaving a frozen dinner or making a sandwich. She is capable and it is good for her to get up.
Today was a harsh blow when my sister (who stops to visit for a couple of hours maybe every 2 to 3 weeks as she heads to somewhere else)called to tell me I need to get home because her mother was waiting for me to feed her. I had been eating dinner with my daughter and a friend and was on my way home with pizza but had stop to pick up a coke for my mom. When I tried to avoid saying something ugly by telling her I would talk to her about this later; she went off on me. Told me her opinion mattered because it was her mother and that she was tired of mom having to eat cold sandwiches; that she shouldn't have to. I lost it; told her if she wasn't happy with the care I give mom that she was welcomed to take on the responsibility herself and have mom move in with her.
I am riddled with guilt for how I feel towards my mother and now to be told that the care I give is inadequate by an uninvolved sibling who is pushing me over the edge. I am hiding in my bedroom, tears streaming, not sure how to handle any of this. Obviously my mom is telling my sister what she thinks I do wrong but not telling me. I hate the whole thing! Just want to take her far away; hence more guilt!