Headed toward the Wall
I'm the oldest daughter, widowed at 45. So I became the obvious and willing choice to care for aging parents.
Dad was diagnosed with cancer seven years later and I uprooted from across the country and spent most of the next three years caring for his needs. When he died I continued as the Live in caregiver and manager for my mother who has dementia. Now it's three more years later and she is but a shell of the person who loved me.
I have multiple relatives in town and initially felt supported in my efforts to care for her.
But now she needs constant direction to bath and dress and toilet so the help is coming farther and fewer in between. And when I ask for help I'm made to feel it's an imposition that we should just pay someone else to do.
Tonight, I'm in tears and so ticked off that I could just spit bricks. 24/7 I care for their mother too and while they have spouses and grown children to entertain and talk to, I'm alone at home with a mom that doesn't even respond to a quarter of the things I say to her.
And my grown children see me when I can work mom into someone else's schedule for a limited time. Resentment? Absolutely!!! And I feel justified because each and everyone of them has the same 24 hours in a day that I have.
Outside support? Sure if you have the money to pay for it. And that's what it takes to get help, money that she really can't afford to pay out regardless of the fact that she is not destitute.
Paying for the help we both need will make her so. Ridiculous... when family should step up and be present in her life. She was for them.