Having a Talk with my Brother About our Mother

by Cherie
(Twinsburg, Ohio)

My mother is 87 years old with Pulmonary Fibrosis she just had Heita Hernia surgery 3 months ago. She insists on going to the grocery store and can't manager to get up and down the isles, she gets down and few and the expects me to run up and down getting her groceries to put in her basket, then has me check them out and pay.


She doesn't want to face the fact that she is too old to go shopping and her breathing problem has made things worse. She is brutal to me calling me fat and saying really horrible things to me. I started saying them back to her telling her I won't take her abuse and stopping the conversation and walking away.

I am on anxiety medication because she is so brutal on me calling me fat and telling me I'm a horrible daughter. I finally put a stop to it today, I told her is too frail to go shopping after yet again I'm feeling like I'm going to pass out going in the grocery store.

I offered instead to take her out to lunch on Saturday's and do her shopping for her. Even if I do her shopping she criticizes everything I get and do. I want the 20 oz instead of the 16 oz.

I don't know how to deal with her anymore and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack I'm on anxiety medication and I keep getting worse. What do I do?

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Update on mother
by: Anonymous

My mother has finally realized that she has been unreasonable and has driven me away with her bad comments. But still seems to throw in a zinger now and then.

So, now I go to visit her when my brother and sister in law are there and she behaves in front of other people.

So things seem to be going okay.

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I Love My Mom, even Though She is Stubborn
by: Linda from Mississauga

Hi my mother is 80 years old and she has been through a lot. She lost her husband, then a year later she lost her oldest son.

She has been has been having trouble sitting up. I have been cleaning her bed, feeding her and I am very worried she won't listen to me about trying to sit up so I can clean her bed.

She doesn't like help to wash her and to keep her clean. I am trying my best as a daughter and she is not happy if I phone around for help getting her out of bed. She tells me to hang up "I'm fine I don't need anyone's help".

She can't be alone since in the past hospital, then rehab abuse she never received her pills. I complained so much to the places she was at.

Now, she and I need advice on how to get herself out of bed as she won't sit up. She also has a bladder problem since being in those places as well she is a nervous mom.

I am very concerned about her being in bed, she has arthritis pain in both legs and has been through so much but I am trying my best to take care of my mom.

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Yay!
by: Leasa

I'm truly happy for you! Nobody loves a doormat and congrats for not being one! Happy marriage!

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Walked away
by: Anonymous

I told my brother that I can't deal with mom anymore and I let her know that my brother will be taking over. She isn't going to stop she criticized my brother and said he didn't know how to shop. Maybe she'll get the message.

I told her she is just too brutal for me anymore and that Gary would be taking over for me. I can't deal nor should I have to put up with her stuff. I told her when she can be nice we would talk and have changed the subject when she starts her negativity, and say I have to do.

She is starting to get the message. We are only trying to help her and if she can't be nice, she has an aid who can do things for her.

I love her but I just got recently married and now I have to focus on a great relationship with him.

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Dear Mom.
by: Leasa

You need to stop taking abuse for starters. When your mother calls you names and tells you that you are horrible. Just smile and say, but Mom, you raised me, I am what you made me. Were you a horrible mother? Don't wait for an answer. Just walk away.

When she complains about what you buy or how you do things, just tell her that you really don't have to do anything at all and you are doing it to be nice and out of love. But, if she really does not like what you do, you can stop all together. Ask her if that is what she wants.

When she talks negative, you can take the lead and only talk positive. Change the subject. Talk about completely different topics and about things that make you happy.

If she gets really abusive, walk away. If you don't you can end up being just as abusive and you really don't want to live with that.

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Toxic
by: Anonymous

I think you need to get away from her. She is toxic. Do not feel obligated to take her abuse. I think there are people who would help her with her groceries and check in on her to make sure she is ok. Check around.

I am not saying for you not to see her. Just be firm and if she gets abusive walk away. Good luck.

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