Have Become Bitter
I have been a sole carer of my parents in their 80's coming up to 4 years. Little by little my life has slipped away because both my parents have varying degrees of vascular dementia.
The most difficult thing is that they will not listen to reason and my Father is insistent that he can do everything himself and that he knows best.
Although he has been very wrong on so many occasions and I have cleaned up some mistakes that could have been fatal, he still refuses to acknowledge my help in a positive way frequently saying he does not want me to do anything and he does not need my help.
I feel totally dismissed and my help feels futile even though I do so much, it has really affected my self esteem.
As a result my relationship with my parents has totally deteriorated and I just feel extremely angry and bitter a lot of the time.
My care-giving actually started when my mother was in her 40's because my Father was incapable of giving it and it still continues to this day.
Their total lack of wanting to take any responsibility has driven me totally up the wall and even though my younger brother (of 3) has now stepped in to help, it has not affected how angry I feel.
They will shortly be moving to a retirement community in their native country and right now I feel as though I never want to see them again, At the same time I feel guilty for having such thoughts and feel as though I have lost the better part of myself in this onslaught of 4 years of extreme stress.
Will I ever get myself back and be happy again??? Right now I feel so used up.