Hating Life
by Joan
Tried getting a part-time job to get out of the house for a little while and she started acting like she was losing her mind intermittently 2 days before I was to start my new job. She got up the morning I was supposed to start this job and acted as if she didn't know what was going on. So, just in case there was something wrong with her, I had to call my new employer and tell them I couldn't take the job!! I took her to the hospital and they ran a bunch of tests on her and she was just fine. The next day, all the confusion and other symptoms miraculously disappeared, just as they had appeared 2 days earlier. She left my dad and me and my 2 sisters when I was only 5. I never saw or heard from her again until I was about 13 and then not again until I was able to go see her on my own. I have a half-sister that "Mom" raised and she tried to tell me that "Mom" was a very manipulative person and was not that "sweet" old woman that she puts out for everyone that doesn't know her. I obviously didn't listen to her. I guess I was hoping to make up for that lost time when I was a child. Well, my half-sister was right! I didn't know this woman I called "Mom" any better than I knew the lady that works at the grocery store that I have said hello to a few times. I have come to hate this woman I call "Mom" and have discovered to my dismay that I am stuck with her. If I had a child and decided I didn't want this child anymore, I could take it to a hospital, police station, fire station, etc., and they would take the child. So far, I have not found anyplace or anything I can do to get rid of this person that I hate so desperately right now. She doesn't make enough money to pay for a nursing home and she won't take care of herself in order to live in Assisted Living. She wants to be waited on hand and foot, wants unlimited access to pain pills and nerve medications so that when she wants to go to sleep, she can go to sleep!! Oh, did I forget to say that she is a drug addict too??? She took Ritalyn for 40 years because she was tired all the time and abused those along with pain pills and nerve pills. She always had her pockets full of pills and would just pop one in every few minutes until she felt the way she wanted to feel. She doesn't get the Ritalyn anymore, but she still gets the pain pills for arthritis and nerve pills just because she is always so scared for no reason......blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....IT'S ALL A BIG ACT!!! If anyone out there knows anything I can do to get rid of this noose around my neck, please let me know!!! She has never done anything for me or taken care of me and why I felt like I should help her and take care of her is beyond me, but I did. That feeling is long gone!!
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