Hating Life

by Joan
(Indianapolis, IN, USA)

I do not want to take care of my "Mom" anymore!!! She refuses to let me have a life of my own anymore.


Tried getting a part-time job to get out of the house for a little while and she started acting like she was losing her mind intermittently 2 days before I was to start my new job. She got up the morning I was supposed to start this job and acted as if she didn't know what was going on. So, just in case there was something wrong with her, I had to call my new employer and tell them I couldn't take the job!!

I took her to the hospital and they ran a bunch of tests on her and she was just fine. The next day, all the confusion and other symptoms miraculously disappeared, just as they had appeared 2 days earlier.

She left my dad and me and my 2 sisters when I was only 5. I never saw or heard from her again until I was about 13 and then not again until I was able to go see her on my own. I have a half-sister that "Mom" raised and she tried to tell me that "Mom" was a very manipulative person and was not that "sweet" old woman that she puts out for everyone that doesn't know her. I obviously didn't listen to her. I guess I was hoping to make up for that lost time when I was a child.

Well, my half-sister was right! I didn't know this woman I called "Mom" any better than I knew the lady that works at the grocery store that I have said hello to a few times.

I have come to hate this woman I call "Mom" and have discovered to my dismay that I am stuck with her. If I had a child and decided I didn't want this child anymore, I could take it to a hospital, police station, fire station, etc., and they would take the child. So far, I have not found anyplace or anything I can do to get rid of this person that I hate so desperately right now.

She doesn't make enough money to pay for a nursing home and she won't take care of herself in order to live in Assisted Living. She wants to be waited on hand and foot, wants unlimited access to pain pills and nerve medications so that when she wants to go to sleep, she can go to sleep!! Oh, did I forget to say that she is a drug addict too??? She took Ritalyn for 40 years because she was tired all the time and abused those along with pain pills and nerve pills. She always had her pockets full of pills and would just pop one in every few minutes until she felt the way she wanted to feel. She doesn't get the Ritalyn anymore, but she still gets the pain pills for arthritis and nerve pills just because she is always so scared for no reason......blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....IT'S ALL A BIG ACT!!!

If anyone out there knows anything I can do to get rid of this noose around my neck, please let me know!!! She has never done anything for me or taken care of me and why I felt like I should help her and take care of her is beyond me, but I did. That feeling is long gone!!

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I can Relate
by: Anonymous

Joan, I am so sorry that you had to give up your part-time job because of your mom. This past week, I had to give up going on a day trip with a friend of mine to PA in the last minute because I was with my mom at the ER due to her left leg is in pain and cannot walk.

Now my friend doesn't return my calls, email and Facebook chats and doesn't have the decency to ask how she is doing. I partly blame her for this because she doesn't want to take her pain pills as prescribed and she has gotten so obese. Well, I am no better but I am not as obese as she is. I do understand that many doesn't have the thin gene, but try to keep it to a minimum. My brother is right she is partly to blame. I know that sounds very cruel but it is the bloody truth.

My dad is 81 yrs old, he has numerous health issues such as diabetes, cancer to name a few. He is overweight but not that much at least he is able to do yard work. Yesterday, he took a pick ax to a down tree from Hurricane Irene.

I think my mum, is having clinical depression but I am not a medical professional. They say depression causes body aches so I have read. Any how I digress, I also had to give up going to a job fair in my area because mom cannot walk. My dad is too selfish to stay with her while I was at a job fair. I am unemployed and broke just like most of America. Also I had to rearrange a lunch date for a networking. So, you are not the only one. I had to borrow $500 from my brother so I could make rent next week. He wasn't too happy when I ask but he says he will give the money to me.

Joan, take care of you. I know that is hard for me to live by that advice. We all caregivers have to stick together.

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There Is Help, I Think
by: Anonymous

Have you talked to your local AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) group? Have you gone to any AlAnon meetings? Both of these groups are for people with drinking problems, or for people who are involved with problem drinkers. Other substance abuse, such as drug abuse, is the same animal.

There is also NarcAnon, for those involved with drug abusers.

These people know that you're suffering and can be the way for you to find some peace, strength, and the means to take care of you and not your mother. Look them up online; they are all over the country, all over the world.

My heart is with you.

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Move on - Leave while you Can - Parents don't change
by: Anonymous

If there is nothing wrong with your mother, I would run while I had the chance. Trust me.

Your mother will continue to cry wolf as long as you are there. My mother used to cry wolf, I should have left then. Now she is really sick and as a result I am really broke for helping her.

I regret it, I regret it, I regret it. We are not responsible for our parents. We choose to help, when it is the right thing to do.

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Give it to Her Straight Up !
by: Pamela

Your Mum ditched you when you were 5 ! So what are you waiting for ? Do you owe her anything?

She is quite capable of taking care of herself, she's not bedridden or insane ! She just likes that you give her everything and more .

Have a straight talk with her. Tell her you don't want her around anymore and she has to look out for herself as she has done all these years. Tell her she is well enough to do so.

And move on ....

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