Had enough

I am 26 years old. I am full of zest and love to live my life to the fullest. I have everything going for me, great job, wonderful boyfriend, friends, hobbies, everything someone my age should be enjoying. I have been supporting my father pretty much since my parents divorced now that I look back. So from 11 years old he's been treating me as an adult to support him. He's now 64.

Once I got a job at 13 he started borrowing money, always paying back but then borrowing more... he let the hot water get cut off when my brother and I were young but always seemed to have cigarettes and dope.

He has an awful temper and acts like a spoiled child. He was diagnosed with osteoarthritis about 12 years ago and quit driving about 7 years ago. Since then I have been getting all his groceries/smokes/dope.

He smothers me and my brother but my brother is 6 years younger than me and I try to not involve him too much because I know how annoying dad is.

Since he was diagnosed he has never once tried to do anything to improve his health. He never has enough money and continues to smoke a pack a day, buying smokes with his pension/disability $$ (he makes enough to live comfortably, if he didn't spend $350 on smokes per month).

I finally had the courage to move out with my super supportive boyfriend 2 years ago, as soon as I moved out he wanted to move into the cabin beside us. We obliged since I knew he couldn't be on his own.

I took control of his finances and for 3 months had him straightened out and on a "smoke diet" oh I didn't mention he's also terribly addicted to coffee.

So a coffee and smoke diet, he freaked out one day and told me to bring all his smokes and everything over (I would buy cartons/packs so I didn't have to go to the store everyday).

From that day I have sworn to not lend him money.

He makes me cry every month with a big fight and my boyfriend suffers because I am so drained after the demands from my father. He always wants the same shit - coffee, cream and smokes, dope. Acts like I'm just supposed to be okay with that...insulted when I don't jump at his request. I plan my life so I only have to go to the store 1x per week because I don't like wasting my time doing mundane things.

He also expects me or my boyfriend to roll him 2 doobies a day.... I am at my wits end and I need space from him. If I don't go over there he calls me and wants to know what's wrong. I have tried implementing home care which he has refused.

I have tried setting up delivery meal plans for him which he hates and refuses to eat (only weighs 90 lbs).

He does nothing to help
himself and expects me to continue to help him. I am not a little girl anymore and I don't need to continue to allow him to walk all over me. I have stopped lending him money since I am trying to buy a house with my boyfriend.

He will borrow money from my mom (his ex wife) before he asks my brother which I find insulting.

I feel sorry for him because of his physical condition. Ive been trying to tell him I'm only willing to go to the store 2x a week tops. Also trying to explain I need a few days off and I think the 2 doobies a day has to stop...it's the most annoying thing and he expects me to get home from work and go deliver them. What a f***** up demand! It's so hard for me because he is a supportive father, is always there to talk to and I feel so much guilt.

I've been away house sitting for 1 week and he calls and asks me to bring him a pack of smokes !!!! I'm furious and fed up with the stupid smokes!! Even though it's been stormy and I'm taking care of animals and been busy, this week has been so nice away from him.

Not having to see him, even though he has called every single day, has made me realize just how much he is stressing me out. He is smothering me and I don't know if I have the strength to be stern with him and put my foot down.

I could ask him to move into a place where he looks after himself but they make meals but then he can't smoke cigarettes or dope.... why am I a slave to his habits?! (I don't have an addictive personality thank god).

He had a heart attack just over a year ago. So I had to increase the help, he didn't try to quit smoking at all, hes very picky with eating so I don't even bother trying to make him stuff anymore.

Recently someone told me that I don't owe my dad anything and have to live my life. If I was even improving his life it might be rewarding (I love to help) but his quality of life isn't improving and I'm essentially killing him by continuing to deliver smokes.

Thanks for listening...I wish someone had a golden answer, how much longer will I have to live being a slave to him.... I want to focus on my boyfriend, the love of my life, not my dad who's pissed away everything t he's ever had.

Hope I don't sound like a brat but I've worked so hard for everything I have and don't understand what I'm doing. He even tries to insult my boyfriend, so I won't move away and buy a house with him.

My boyfriend is the only person who has ever taken care of ME and I want to give him my full self without my annoying dad bringing us down.

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To: 26 years old and had enough...
by: Anonymous

To: 26 years old and had enough...

I very much understand what you are going through as my own father/I use that term lightly was an abusive user loser who thought we all owed him for his Terrible non effort to be a dad or provider yet when we were old enough to work he expected us to provide those kinda things to him too...

I'm going to tell you the truth...He'll Never Change and WILL get Worse with age. DON'T throw your life away on him. He Wouldn't do a tenth of what you've done for him and one day your wonderful boyfriend Will most likely get fed up and leave as Anybody in their right mind would. Don't let this monster destroy any more precious years you have left in your life.

If you want to be happy cut ties with him...at least temporarily and explain to your dad that you Have to leave to have a happy life and provide him with a list of contacts and phone numbers of local places that can help him along with several Assisted living/nursing homes that if things get bad for him which they will as soon as you leave He can contact them for help.

It is not your responsibility to take care of a Selfish Jerk that doesn't appreciate You.

You've done Enough. Get out while you can.

Go back and check on him in a few weeks/month but Don't buy him anymore cigarettes or pot.

You Teach People how to Treat You.

Your young and you need to learn how to stand up for yourself. Yea, he is going to be mad...well to bad... Make a Pros and Cons List of your situation... sounds like the Cons way out weigh the pros...

He will suck the life out of you and your relationship with your boyfriend the more you allow him too. He wants your boyfriend to leave so you will be miserable and focus solely on him.

He doesn't care about you. I know it's hard because you care about him...but it wont get any better so you need to decide what you are willing to put up with and for how long...he could be around for many many years and it will effect your happiness.

Once you leave call local nursing homes and see what it takes to have him committed...will probably take you And your brothers signatures...it is for your dads health and safety...and your own!

There are no other answers to your problem. I'm also a caregiver 25 years...I see what selfish abusive elder parents do to their children's lives...destroys them.

You will decide what you can live with. But think about what you Cant live without...your and your boyfriends happiness...isn't that just as important?

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