Guilty from Resentment
I quit my full time job to care for my terminally ill mom, and for me it was an easy decision because I wanted to. We couldn't afford to be without my earnings so dad paid me. This was win/win. Mom stayed with us, so I was here constantly, we all preferred my care over a strangers, and honestly outside care was expensive.
After mom passed I began the job search. During this time I also had a few months of herniated disc trauma(don't get into that). Fast forward 16 months later. Since her passing, I have been emotionally responsible for my dad.
I keep his house clean, was made POA and handle bills and finances, and make certain he has home cooked meals daily. We want him to move in with us, but understand he wants to be in his own home.
My job search surprisingly has produced nothing! I am still using dads money to help with bills, but we Never discussed this. I feel like I steal from him?
I resent not being able to plan my days without his well being put ahead of my own, although this is my doing, because I can't see him so sad, so he's my buddy and I like getting him out of the house.
The meals I cook for us is all about what he can or cannot have. I know God has me "unemployed" for a reason (my dear dad) but how do I deal with guilt from resentment and using his money? P.S I also resent older sis who lives out of state and has always had her own life