Guilty all the Time and Worse Now

by Janet

For over 20 years I lived and cared for my developmentally delayed brother who was also schizophrenic. Sometimes I wonder if he even knew how loved he was by me because I became so obsessed with giving him a good life I lost mine. Constantly, my sisters would say to me "I don't know how you put up with that guy"? and I would be furious with them for thinking of him that way when he could not help being who he was.

If I would hint that I could do with a break it was always met with the old "oh, you will be fine" and then nothing.

As we got older I sometimes became short with my brother because it was getting harder and harder for me to cope with him as he was very obstinate and did not want me even leaving the house to pick up groceries even when I invited him along.

My brother passed at home quickly this week and I really do not know how I am going to cope as my whole identity for over 30 years was looking after him and I keep rehashing some of the unkind words I took out on him when I became exasperated at times. I hope he knows I loved him and did the best I could.

I miss you Frankie boy. I don't know why God made your life such a challenge for you but I hope he has wrapped you in your arms and no one can laugh at you or ignore your ramblings like on earth.

Comments for Guilty all the Time and Worse Now

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

he's an angel now
by: Greenacres

Please do not feel guilty, especially now. You cared for him as best as you could and it sounds like you gave your all. I am positively sure he felt the love you gave him.

Even best friends say mean awful things to each other. All is forgiven. I am so sorry for your loss. I have a good feeling that you will find your way. One minute at a time. Just get through.


Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Elder Care Anger and Resentment.

Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved

Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Need help with negative complaining mother

    Dec 28, 20 12:23 PM

    My mother is 93, in good health, no major heath issues, totally ambulatory. When my father died 6 years ago we found her a beautiful independent senior

    Read More

  2. Ugh!!

    Dec 28, 20 12:21 PM

    So I lost my mom 18 months ago. After her passing I would come to my parents house to clean and cook a couple of times a week for my dad. He still gets

    Read More

  3. 16yrs of Elderly care with NO HELP

    Dec 28, 20 12:18 PM

    I came back home in 2004 to help my dad as he had cancer, he eventually passed away few years later. Well here I am am in 2020 still at home taking care

    Read More