Guilty all the Time and Worse Now

by Janet
(Canada)

For over 20 years I lived and cared for my developmentally delayed brother who was also schizophrenic. Sometimes I wonder if he even knew how loved he was by me because I became so obsessed with giving him a good life I lost mine. Constantly, my sisters would say to me "I don't know how you put up with that guy"? and I would be furious with them for thinking of him that way when he could not help being who he was.


If I would hint that I could do with a break it was always met with the old "oh, you will be fine" and then nothing.

As we got older I sometimes became short with my brother because it was getting harder and harder for me to cope with him as he was very obstinate and did not want me even leaving the house to pick up groceries even when I invited him along.

My brother passed at home quickly this week and I really do not know how I am going to cope as my whole identity for over 30 years was looking after him and I keep rehashing some of the unkind words I took out on him when I became exasperated at times. I hope he knows I loved him and did the best I could.

I miss you Frankie boy. I don't know why God made your life such a challenge for you but I hope he has wrapped you in your arms and no one can laugh at you or ignore your ramblings like on earth.

Comments for Guilty all the Time and Worse Now

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
he's an angel now
by: Greenacres

Please do not feel guilty, especially now. You cared for him as best as you could and it sounds like you gave your all. I am positively sure he felt the love you gave him.

Even best friends say mean awful things to each other. All is forgiven. I am so sorry for your loss. I have a good feeling that you will find your way. One minute at a time. Just get through.

Time will heal you. I WISH THE BEST FOR YOU. PLEASE DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Elder Care Anger and Resentment.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Lost

    May 17, 19 01:54 PM

    Brought my 81 year old mother into my new downsized home. She can still dress, go to the restroom by herself, cognitive issues related to Parkinson dementia

    Read More

  2. Going Bonkers in Georgia

    May 17, 19 01:52 PM

    I have to start off with saying I have a big old dog named Bonkers! But I am borrowing his name for this title only! How am I coping...? I don't really

    Read More

  3. Caregiver Advice Wanted

    May 17, 19 01:49 PM

    I am looking for advice on how much independence to take away from an elderly parent. My mom is 92 years old. She has lived with me for 10 years in an

    Read More