Guilt

by Linda
(Los Angeles, CA)

My 87 yr old mother is mentally sharp most of the time, but has severe osteoporosis/arthritis/heart condition. After my divorce 7 years ago, I selected to move in with her as there was no way she could live alone without help. I would come over and find her on the ground (fell) for hours without help, and it was getting worse.

I thought by my moving in it would be a double bonus via giving her help, as well as giving my then young son a feeling of family, rather than just the two of us in an apartment. I also promised her that as long as she was alive she would live in her home that she loves so much.

Please know, I love her more than words can say. HOWEVER, I now get resentment from my 21 yr son that I am STILL supporting as he resents being here and having to help. My mother begged him not to move out until she has passed. She also has taken all respect from me, as this is her house and if I tell him to get out (for good reason) I get told, this isn't your house, you cant tell me what to do.

I have a brother that calls my mother, but does NOTHING to help. He just complains to her about his problems. I finally hired a caregiver for the week days 9-4:00. Yes, it helps. HOWEVER, I feel like a slave from the time she leaves until the next a.m. and my weekends are never my own.

I know she has a heart of gold, but I am loosing it and can't show her that side or she does the pity party and talks about killing herself.
I do feel trapped on one hand and guilty on the other. Out of both siblings, I have always been the one to make sure holidays are here, throw her birthday parties, and my brother will only come if I ask his wife who is a bitter, woman and they are great co-dependents. I have taken the high road more times than I can count.

I was in an auto accident two yrs ago and I now need surgery for a torn meniscus, 3 bulging discs in my back, and teeth were knocked out. So, I have my own physical problems on top of her demands. The very worse is when she puts her happy face on to everyone but me. I just get complaints and living like this is hell. I do not want to have regrets so I keep on doing this. I don't know what else to say.

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