Going Crazy

by Nancy
(Fall River, MA)

My mother passed away 3 years ago and my father (81) was devastated. I moved out of my house (which I rented) and remodeled his basement and moved in with my son and husband. That lasted about 6 months and 17 thousands dollars later.


I moved into a development and 2 months later my father sold his home and followed me there. It wasn't as bad as living together but I was doing everything cleaning, cooking, laundry, doctors appointments. I have 3 other sisters one of the that helps somewhat and the other and my oldest brother do nothing but state how grateful that my dad has me.

They all come and see him when they need money and money and money but NEVER come just to visit or help. I recently moved back into my home which has an in-laws apartment which my dad is now living in. I just want to pull my hair out and I feel bad for feeling the anger I do.

I would 55 hours a week and have a family of my own and dad always prepares food, with such a mess I spend and hour cleaning up. He never asked he just does. He can be very controlling and intrusive and I have done all I can to be polite about it letting him know I don't need or want him to do certain things.

I do not know where to turn. I love him very much but this is really overwhelming.
Nancy

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Going Crazy - Something has to Give
by: Renata

Wow! That's really hard. You need to set some boundaries. This is just a thought, could you somehow let your dad know that you realize that he's been accustomed to a certain level of independence but, you are not different from any other woman, wife or mother.

Use of the kitchen comes with rules (that no one really keeps):

1.Clean up after yourself,

2.Don't use my stuff without my permission. OR
just tell him that you'd rather he leaves the cooking and other kitchen duty to your management and you expect to find your kitchen as you left it. It's rules!

Parents should understand rules right? How was your mom with him and her kitchen? Find out what she did or said to him, and if it worked then maybe you can do that. But set boundaries you must.

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