Last night I had a dream. I was with my mom shopping and she was following me very closely around the store. So close, it was comical. I would take a few steps and when I turned around to speak to her, she actually bumped into me. I finally said to her, laughing, "Mom, why are you following me so closely?"
I looked into her eyes and the black pupils were hugely dilated. So much so, that I was peering into two dark caverns with small rims of blue surrounding them like the sky.
It was then that I saw the fear in my mother's blind eyes. Eyes that clung to me like a small child in a scary place.
I wondered what she was seeing. And in the dream two large dark spots centered in the middle of my vision. All's I could see was blurry glimpses of life coming in from around the edges. And I felt in my soul the source of her fear.
This morning I have a new perception of my mom. Some of my anger and resentment is beginning to dissolve. As her vision deteriorates daily, I believe I will be able to see more clearly all that I'm to learn from this care taking experience.
From that dream was born a compassion, an understanding, and a renewed love for my mom that I know will sustain us to the end.