Fury and Frustration...and Guilt
My mother is 80. She was living alone after my dad died, but we realised she wasn't looking after herself properly, and found her a place in a facility for Dementia and Alzheimer's patients.
She now has 24hr medical care, though she's still mobile and alert. Alert...that's the problem.
Since we moved her into this facility, she has turned into a monster. She has a phone (no airtime), which she uses to send messages to us to phone her, usually several times a day.
When we do, she has a fight ready - it began with not wanting to live there as she refuses to believe she is incapable of caring for herself.
Within a year it became about a rash on her legs, which she attributed to bedbugs (never proven), which she used as ammunition to not want to live there, and over which she causes such a fiasco it cost us money!
We eventually got her diagnosed correctly and the rash disappeared, but she's still adamant about not wanting to live there. She refuses to listen when we tell her we cannot afford a different facility with the same level of care.
It has got to the point where both my sister and I put the phone down in her ear as soon as she starts in (which is usually immediately after "Hello, how are you?").
My brothers do not help with emotional support (they help financially). She only ever contacts my sister or me. We now do not phone when she asks. She is near-hysterical about wanting to leave, and my sister, who lives nearby and visits once a week, is burnt out and at her wits' end.
I no longer phone often, and when I do it ends in yelling and and putting the phone down in her ear. We need help! How do we get her to understand and accept that a) shes there to stay, and b) there is nothing wrong with the place, and c) we're doing it because we care!
The less contact she gets the more she believes we've abandoned her, but if I thought we would have a pleasant conversation, I'd phone as often as I could.