Frustrations


(Central VA, USA)

My no. 1 frustration in dealing with my Mother is her constant desire to go back to her home and her constant worry over who will look after her.


Everyday minor things of life become a source of major anxiety. She has sundowning and from about 2 pm until bedtime she will rapid fire questions repeatedly: Are you going to take me home? I need to home. Should I call Daddy (her dad or sometimes my Dad) who are both long deceased. Ive tried everything from Melatonin to a bright high intensity light, but they have only a minor effect.

The constant rapid fire questions drain me emotionally. You cannot satisfy her with any answer. It's forgotten in a mater of seconds and the question is asked again and again. It completely wears me out. The only peace I get is when she actually goes to bed.

I only deal with this in the evenings as I work during the day. I have hired caregivers to be with her continuously until I'm home from work. How do I calm her fears and questions down.

I am a christian bachelor a consecrated Catholic single and I have very little of the time I once had for daily devotions. I have lived alone for the past 30 years. I have one sister that does not participate with her care at all.

Between a high stress demanding and job working with belligerent non caring co-workers, and then going home to face a very insecure dementia Mother. I feel that I'm losing my own mind when I'm faced with the rapid fire questions and nothing can relief her anxiety.

The loss of my devotion time has affected my own disposition as well. There is so much more I could unload.. Any thoughts or ideas I can use to settle my Mom's anxieties and restore some sanity to my own life?

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Everything will be alright.
by: Anonymous

Everyday when I woke up in the morning I told to my self "everything will be alright" and it does , just try to relax. This is hard I know but don't stop trying. Turn on the music every meals can heal your both soul, music and music sounds crazy but it does really work. Don't leave her, stay with her and sing along together.

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Separation
by: Christine

I think that what you first need to find peace with is that you can not change the mis-firings that are happening in your mom's head. It's medical, physical and chemical - and you're up against an unbeatable foe if you try to fight it.

Your faith sounds so strong; please use it to find that calm within yourself that you so obviously need. Pick your battles and fight them well, but you are going to lose this one if you don't surrender to reality.

My only suggestion is that you reclaim the devotional time that is so much a part of you, and realize that both you and your mother will be better for it. If you lose that part of yourself only resentment will be left, and who wants to live with that?

With all my best wishes.

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