Frustration And Tears
I am 23 years old and I am caring for my 78 year old grandfather who is suffering from severe stage COPD. He can still talk but he can only stand up and walk for a few minutes at a time. I live 20 miles away from him but it got hard to help, so I cut my full time job to one day a week.
My spouse and I came to stay with him. My mother lives next door and takes care of my three young nephews that go to day care and are only with her after 4PM on weekdays. Even when there is no excuse not to come over and help a little she makes something up or complains about her health problems. It hurts as well because I read about how to try to care for myself and get out once in a while or I can suffer a caregiver burn out I believe it's called. But I am with him on a couch 24/7 if I get up he calls for me to come back.
I try to eat in the kitchen and he calls me to come back and hand him something. My spouse tries to help but he really only wants me to sit there with him. I feel sooo bad because he apologizes so much to me about being so hard on me and all I can say is its okay. I'm so afraid I will hurt him if I tell him the truth about how I need just a tiny break. every Tuesday I can't wait to go to work.
I miss being out and working and I miss it all. Most of all I miss spending time with my spouse of five years. The past few days I have become so irritable with him and I feel so guilty and sorry but I can't help it. He never lets me leave his side I'm going
crazy and I want to cry so bad sometimes.
I never get to sleep next to my spouse at night or even sleep at all because he has me in the living room on the couch until 3 or 4 in the morning watching him sleep on and off. Then he wants me to get up at around 7 or 8am I make him coffee and an egg with toast well either way same routine.
I don't sleep much at all. my relationship with my partner is suffering we never ever get to even have a small chat without him calling me back to the living room. and I'm so afraid my life is going to crumble right under me and there is no one to help me or take my place because he only wants me. When I leave for errands or something I have the neighbor stay close to her phone just in case he has an exacerbation or she will go sit with him. He is still able to eat and bath and go to the toilet on his own but he is always afraid he is going to die choking as he barely sleeps.
His memory is going so I have to keep reminding him of things or mostly ALL DAY we will repeat THE SAME conversation OVER AND OVER AND OVER until he gets it.
Is there any advice anyone can give me I feel like I'm betraying him because I feel so angry towards him and I don't want to do anything.... my eating habits are greatly decreased.
I love him with all my heart but I get so frustrated. All my life my grandpa has been the kind of person that would give a stranger the shirt off his back if it helped someone else in need. So he does deserve this care but I just need some help. I wish I had someone to relate to about this.