Frustrated

by Anonymous

I just read through many postings here. I have been dealing with a turmoil of emotions related to caring for my mother.

I actually moved in with my mother because I was having financial problems. I am single mom with two daughters. I thought it would be good for everyone. My children would be able to spend time with their grandmother. I would have extra help with kids. My mom would have people around her. Win win for everyone.

I was so wrong.

My mother's health was much worse than I realized. My mother's finances were a mess. I stepped into a life I was not expecting or prepared to handle. I feel guilty for putting my children in this situation. My mother is manipulative and selfish.

Add into this she is in early stages of dementia, it gets very frustrating to be around her. My mother expects me to shop, cook , clean, and sit with her every spare minute. I am to be at her beck and call. I can't do it. But now I am in difficult financial situation. When I moved in with my mother my intent was to find a full time position. Save up money for rental. Get my credit in order.

But my mother's health needs pulled me away from this. I did not know what to expect. One situation after another occurred. I can't get place of my own. My mother can't afford long term care. I feel stuck here. My sisters comment to me you chose to live with her. You deal with it.

My brother...he lives too far away to even expect his help. He does not even call. As I mentioned my mother is manipulative and selfish. Any good will I initially had for her is gone now.

We have been here 2.5 years. My mother can't drive. She won't go outside. She sleeps a lot during the day. Up all night. She eats non stop when she is up. I can't keep food in the house.

I struggle with this situation. I feel responsible. If she is eating improperly I feel I am to blame. Yet I am so tired of her complaining to me that I don't buy her what she wants. She calls people on the phone and complains about me. Tells them how horrible I am.

She even tells them my daughters are terrible. I feel guilty for getting angry. I moved in for my own needs. I should be thankful that we could live in her house. But I cannot get past my anger and hate for her.

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Also frustrated
by: Anonymous

I too moved in with my elderly father. I also have to care for my autistic son. Not only do I have mental health issues of my own, my brother is severely mentally ill and an alcoholic.

He does not live here but shows up everyday with a six pack of beer because he cannot drink where he resides. I feel overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed.

I really have not been much help to my dad because of these issues and lack any motivation. Hoping I will get use to living here and rid myself of the guilt of just wanting to free myself of this situation.

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Deaf Ear
by: Anonymous

This is a very difficult situation. You want your girls to know you love your mom and yet they need to learn boundaries as well.

Most likely you're mom will always feel like you "owe" her because she took you in.

Since you do have two children in the home I suggest you contact some state agencies and find out what you qualify for in the way of housing, food, medical, etc. Use it until you can get back on your own feet. They often offer training and help with resumes, etc.

If this is affecting your girls in a negative way that's a red flag. Your girls have the right to love their grandma and most likely their relationship with her is much different than yours is with her so be careful about confiding in them if they're young.

I know pat answers can be really annoying, but you can climb out of this hole. Once you move out, then the siblings need to step up an help with your mom.

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