Frustrated Old Man

by Mary Ann
(Detroit, MI)

My father who is 83 years old has been alone in his home since mother died. I needed to move closer to him as my husband and I began to sense he may be losing his sense of right and wrong to the point that driving, cooking and everyday activities are getting downright dangerous.

When mother died he indicated that we should live our own lives and not to be interfering with him and how he lives as he raised us and knows more about us than we do him, etc., etc.

We decided to move closer to him a year ago and wow the things we began to see, hear and experience were both saddening and scary to say the least.

His car literally has dents now in all four corners..."whiskey bumps" although he does not drink...that we know of.

The kitchen and the whole house really is in shambles and looks to be a hoarder starter home...soda cans stacked everywhere, old magazines, newspapers unopened just thrown in the corner. You can barely see the TV for all the "stuff" scattered around.

The fridge is VERY scary as it looks like a lab experiment with fungus and mold growing on most items in there. He says not to worry that we goes out to eat most days....heck, one meal from the fridge and it is over....

Does anyone have any experience with this and have advice as I have broached the subject with him many times and he gets frustrated and angry and tells me to mind my own business....any thoughts or comments would be helpful..

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I understand your pain!
by: Anonymous

Where do you find a place for 1,300 per month for two people. We are paying almost 12,000 per month breaks down to 190 per person per day so 190 x 2 x average of 30 days in a month = almost 12,000 per month for two.

It is funny how the elderly expects the younger to stop every thing and often take care of them yet they had no problem throwing their child in day care or head start program etc.

Elderly care is like having a child and putting them into day/night care. But they hate us for putting them there but here is the kicker. We didn't put them there the hospital would not release them to come home!!!

They needed 24 hour nursing care which if left at home is way more than 12,000 dollars per month.

Most people can not afford at home private nursing 24 hours per day. But boy do the elderly make us feel like crap for it. Sorry we are not millionaires.

I feel for everyone on here.

Independent or Assisted Living?
by: Anonymous

My 94 year old dad and his wife with dementia just moved into a small retirement home. It was only $1,300 a month.

His home was in shambles and his license was taken away due to macular degeneration. They are both very happy in their new place! There are plenty of senior services and medical help nearby if they need it.

Transportation is provided and meals in the dinning room where they can socialize with others. They live in a one bedroom nice apartment with lots of those services. It was a lucky find.

Seek, seek, seek, and you WILL find.

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