FRUSTRATED IN GEORGIA

We moved out of State and my Parents had to move with either us or my Sister. They picked us which was fine - we invited them. My sister is addicted to pain pills, abusive, anger issues, totaled a car, beat up on her husband who has now left her and is the most narcissistic person you ever met.


My Dad died 4 months after they got here 2 1/2 years ago. My sister and her husband (they were still together) came for a little Memorial and my Mom went back with them for a visit. My Sister treated her awful - Sister is Angry they picked us to live with. When my Mom came home after a 6 week visit - my Sister had her husband call and tell my Mother and me we were NEVER TO CALL THERE AGAIN and that my Sister never wanted to speak to us again.

So it's all on me to take care of Mom. She is 88 - can get around but is slow - she can care for herself so that is good - she WORRIES beyond anything I can even explain - She shadows me - If I say - I'm going to make some breakfast she jumps up gets in my way to make hers.

She WON'T go to bed at night until I do - even though she is tired and wants to go. The worst thing is she is scared to stay at our house alone in the evening so me and the Hubby haven't had a date night in 2 years.

My husband is awesome - no complaints from him - he gets it - when I bring it up - she puts the guilt trip on and poor me crap. It's making me not like her and that makes me feel bad. I just NEED SOME SPACE AND TIME FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND. Not even that much - a few times a year would make all the difference.

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by: Anonymous

I hear what you're saying. My mom expects me to spend every waking hour with her. She doesn't seem to get the fact that I need alone time.
When we first moved her in I was spending all my time with her, but now I take time to myself.
If she doesn't like it, that's too bad.

She also expects me to take her with my any time I go out.

Well one morning I got up and got dressed and went to the grocery store without her. She couldn't understand why. I took my time shopping and enjoyed every minute of solitude. Of course she sulked but I left the room and let her sulk alone. I refuse to watch that!

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Thank you for the Comments
by: Anonymous

She is afraid to stay alone - We live in GA but came from Texas - where she had lived for 38 years. We have suggested having someone come in but that is to weird for her.

She won't know them - She isn't helpless so then it's kind of weird sitting around with someone you don't know. HOWEVER - I finally convinced her that the Hubby and I wanted to go to a concert that just wasn't for her.

She agreed and then I had her talk with her Best Friend from Texas and told her to tell her about our "situation" I knew her best friend would encourage my Mom to let us go without trying to guilt us. She told my Mom that she could call her that evening while we are gone. So that is a "WIN" for us.

Now if she would just stop following me around - asking me nonstop what I am doing and everyday I get a full review of all the HORRIBLE news and how awful these criminals are and ticks are going to kill us and on and on. But hey we will go with one thing at a time.

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Frustrated in Georgia
by: Anonymous

I think your mom and mine are related.

There are so many similarities, it's eerie.

Is there someone who could stay with her for a couple of hours in the evening?
It is imperative that you and your husband have some alone time.

Good luck to you both.

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R:Frustrated in Georgia
by: Dianne

Dear FIG;
I get it! Was there. You and your husband have a valid reason to complain and fret. Your lives are being altered without permission.
It takes team work to simplify it and one manager to make caring for mom cohesive.

I don't know if I can give you the full answer but maybe limit a portion of the frustration.
Let me send you the info...worth its weight in gold if I can say so myself.

God is holding your hand.
Warmly,

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by: Anonymous

I so understand and I don't know what to do about it either. I have my mom 24/7 for a year now.

She will not take a nap during the day unless I do. She stays up until I go to bed, gets up when I get up. She eats what I eat for dinner whether she likes it or not. I swear if I ate snot, she would to. I look at her and wonder how she made it in life never making a decision or being by herself.

For the longest time when I would leave for a precious hour just to get groceries, I would get the silent treatment when I got back. Her little hissy fit and listening to doors slamming and the tension made it not worth it. I gave up on that. Now I go when I want to go. She can do what she wants, I don't care.

Everyone needs time alone. You and your husband need time alone. We're so afraid of hurting feelings and avoiding tension that we hurt our own feelings by giving in.

For your own sanity, you need to just say you're going to start doing this and then do it. Ask her if she is frightened being alone and if she is, there are experienced people who will come and stay while you are out. It's often worth the expense. Things won't change unless you change it.

It's a very fine line to walk between hating the situation and hating the person. You will find yourself hating the person more and more unless you make some changes.

Good luck.

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