From Experience

by Anonymous

I've been taking care of my mother for almost 13 years. For those of you reading all the posts, please do not judge. Anyone that takes a parent in to begin with is not cold or heartless. A lot of these elders can wear us down but being self-centered, selfish, demanding, opinionated and downright lazy.

Had I known what I know not, I may or may not have taken her in because she was essentially unable to care for herself, thanks to my father being a slave to her his entire life. I believe that parents that truly love their kids would not burden them like this.

I will not burden my daughter.

I'm 59 and spent 16 years as a respiratory therapist. People live too long. My best years are behind me. Despite being a health nut, working our my whole life and eating well, my body is slowly falling apart, as nature would have it.

No, I'm not going to be a burden, nor do I expect anyone to give up their life for me. Each generation has it's time. When my time is done, I will do nothing to prolong it and will try to do so with grace.

No complaining, no whining, no crying, no clinging, no demands, no expectations, no burden. For those of you who judge us as harsh, reserve your judgements. No one has been put on this earth to judge others.

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From experience
by: Anonymous

I understand what you're saying.
I was my mom's part time caregiver the last 5 years, and now I am caring for her full time in my home. She's only been here for 8 days, but it may as well be 8 years. It's been just awful and I am feeling miserable.

I wouldn't blame my sons if they decide to put me in a home. I wouldn't want them to have to do this.

I get it
by: LuLu

From Experience, why can't my mom feel like you? She knows I've spent the last 35 years caring for my disabled daughter.

My health is ruined, my mom knows but yet she makes demands on me and my time! This means my home, husband and myself have to be put on back burner on days that I do for her. The biggest thing she was not much of a mother when I needed one!

Not Done Yet
by: Anonymous

I sincerely believe that one of the reasons you feel so run down and burned out is because of the burden your mother has put on you. You are five years younger than I am--unless you have a critical/debilitating illness, please don't cave in yet.

Thirteen years is w-a-y too long to take care of someone. That means you were only 46 when you began this. You are right, though, that it is not fair for a parent to weigh down a child with caregiving responsibility. My mother swore she would never do that to me. But she did, and I'm fed up too.

I'm not judging you and I'd be surprised if many here do so. It's far more difficult to take care of a demented elderly adult than it is a child. We can't reprimand or control them, our own status is still that of a child-now-servant, and that older person can pour heaps of guilt on us.

You will get through this. Please have courage.

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