Frazzled, Tired, Used, Resentful, and have Feelings of Guilt.
(South Texas, U.S.)
My mom is in her 70s. Married the 1st time at 15 and lost two children at birth. That husband was a kid and ran around on her. My father was his friend and felt sorry for my mom. They dated, married but separated before she had me. My grandparents took over care and I lived with them until I was 6.
My mom came and got me when she had my brother. I was forced to call her mama and my step dad Daddy. He was a very abusive individual. He was physically and emotionally abusive to both my mom and me. My mom forced me to stay in that situation rather than let me return to her parents. She resented her mother. My mom was adopted. Mama has always been dependent.
She had one more child who is 13 years younger than I am. That child is a girl and I loved her with all my heart. My step dad did not like women and referred to all of us as whores and sluts. I was an A student and loved music. When I was 16 I ran away after my stepfather told me when he got back from the store he was going to beat the hell out of me. My mom had purchased the wrong kind of cigarettes for him. I went to live with my grandparents again. They took care of me and I them.
My sister was also very close to them and she also lived with my grandmother both alone and with my mom if she wasn't married or living with someone. My mom worked in food service, nursing homes, and then bars. She threw temper fits and was also abusive. She beat my sister up when she was 10 because her boyfriend left because my sister was crying because she was afraid to be alone.
My brother was treated special because he was a boy...but
he has scars from all he saw. Amazingly none of the three of us drink, smoke, hang in bars, etc. We are not perfect by any means but have tried our best to have stable lives for our children.
My mom has no problem asking for money, things, etc. She also expects us to help with her husband now that he has cancer and is going through chemo. I have health issues myself and am homeschooling my son. Her husband is a nice guy but he gambled, drank and smokes non-stop.
We live 88 miles round trip from the place where chemo is given. My sister and I have also had to take my mom to the emergency room numerous times. My sister is a teacher and has three children. One has a disability. I have given my mom almost $200.00 in the past 3 weeks for gas and food. A neighbor is driving them to the hospital. Of course my mom thinks I should be driving them and staying with them through treatment. I would but I do not feel well and I also feel bad for my husband who is working his butt off while I hand money to my mom.
My brother lives in another state. He sends money but I do not know how much. My mom and her husband live in public housing but he threw money at scratch tickets. Both of our husbands dislike my mom's husband and say he is a loser. My mom calls constantly complaining about where she lives, that she has no money, that no one cares about her, etc. It is draining. She has always done this.
How do you deal with someone who is like this? She takes and takes from her children (and we all have children). We have one in a university we are helping. Maybe someone out there has suggestions. I pray for guidance. Maybe I just don't listen.