Formerly Sweet, now Angry Mom

by Gloria
(Plainfield, Illinois)

Mom is 92 and very angry that she is still alive. My brother died 2 months ago and she doesn't understand why it was him, not her.

She never drove, but a lot of her friends did, but are now either too old, or gone. She used to have a "senior" meeting 4 days out of 5, but that is down to 2, sometimes 3.
I have always been the one to help, banking, driving her to appointments. My brother would call her maybe once every three months.

As she has gotten older, she has become more argumentative, but, in the last six months or so, it has become almost unbearable. When talking to her on the phone, she is her usual sweet self, but, as soon as I walk into her house, it's like the sight of me turns her into a monster. I am accused of not "making" her buy a new winter coat (she already has 8) when she actually decided that she didn't want to spend the money.

She is going deaf, but when I convinced her to get a hearing aid 10 years ago, she tried it for two days and returned it, saying that it made no difference. She has macular degeneration, but still can see the bingo cards twice a week. I'd like to be able to get to the bottom of this during a calm time, but it seems that there are no calm times anymore.

I'm tired of my daughter and my husband telling me to not let it bother me. That's easy to say. Even Mom blows off what she says by telling me that that what she said ten minutes ago doesn't matter now. But the daggers have been thrown and the words hurt.
I've tried all the suggested steps to try to deal with her, but I'm at my wits end. When I suggest a retirement home, she accuses me of trying to throw her out of her home and calls them all prisons.

Thanks for letting me vent. It's just nice to know that I'm not alone in this situation. I guess at 92, this situation will solve itself sooner rather than later. Just don't know if I'll give it up before her "number" comes up.

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I get This....You are Heard!
by: Anonymous

I feel your pain. Your the target that gets hit for all your mother's pain. As stupid & as many times as you may have heard this before, it's not you she is angry with (I face this daily as well). She is comfortable speaking her mind to you & striking out to blame you at the same time.

Yes, I get it about your kid(s) & spouse, they can remain objective, their emotional connection is different & YOU ARE STILL A PERSON & A HUMAN BEING TOO! So the best thing you can do for you is be kinder to yourself, you are not the bad child, you're an adult with a parent screaming their last words, even if they are bitter because this is their fuzzy logic & anger is more easy to express for some.

Lighten up on yourself, you're doing better than you realize. Best to you.

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