For Whom the Bell Tolls

by Fading Fast
(Skybrook Lane)

My Grandma fell ill and everyone else refuses to help take care of her so yours truly (the oldest grand-daughter) was elected to help out.

I did so willingly especially since this is the woman who quite literally raised me for the first 10 years of my life. I do love her so. She always had such a nice way about her and was gentle and loving always.

That is not the case these days.

She has eaten her way to weighing 375 pounds and I tip the scales at 150 so I struggled to help her with the most basic of personal needs. Now she is bedridden and getting more demanding each passing day. She insisted on getting a bell to ring for me so I can drop everything and come running to see to her every need.

I quit my job and get a small sum of money from my own Mom to help take care of her but its not like a high paying position. She is getting so grumpy and demanding these days that she takes the bell and throws it under the bed so I have to crawl around on the dang floor looking for it.

She then laughs at me and remarks that I'm huge for a person my age and no wonder I'm still single. I told her the other day if I wasn't taking care of her 24-7 I might actually have a chance to meet someone. She just laughs and says I'm an "old maid" and I'll never find someone.

I'm angry, hurt, resentful and when I've expressed my feelings to my Mom and my Aunts they just shrug it off like its nothing since they don't want to take care of her themselves. I want off this crazy merry-go-round ride and want my own life back. Her Doctor told me she could go on like this for years!

I would like to have a life of my own and at this rate it doesn't look like that's going to happen unless I just get up and walk away. My own Mom and Aunts feel I owe my Grandma since she helped raise me but isn't that really my Mom's responsibility?

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Listen Between the Lines... From the Mediterranean
by: Anonymous

In caring for my ethnic mother with progressive dementia in another country after leaving a highly successful position, after three years of comments from her and the locals, I almost lost it and sought out a psychologist for help.

I shared so many frustrating experiences from persons outside criticizing my every move and conversations to my own mother telling me that I'm not good enough and my hands are shit.

The psychologist shared with me that my mother although speaking to me, was actually talking about herself who can no longer do anything by herself.

So perhaps your grandmothers comments about weight and relationships, was actually her referring to her issues. Don't take it personal. You will gain stars in heaven though for your caregiving.

You Can't Ring My Bell!
by: Been There, Done That

OMG! You need to pull the plug on this twisted operation now. Your Mom and Aunties are responsible for your Grandma's care, not you!

What's worse is she has you believing these terrible things she says to you and that is not at all healthy for you. You have your life to live and you need to let your Mom know loud and clear that this isn't your job.

Also, no offense, but someone who is nearly 400 pounds of obvious "fat" laying there telling you that you look bad has no room to talk. Another thing, get rid of that bell and have your Mom and Aunties wait on this tyrant instead of you being victimized by her cruel nature.
All the Best To You in your Life.

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