For Better or Worse...Till Death Do Us Part
Well, I think I might be doing better as I've gone from the "Anger and Resentment" category to the "Difficult Issues" category.
When I was in the former category two years ago, my hair was falling out in clumps. Now the bald spots have filled in with what I like to think of as a sign of my spiritual growth and wisdom. Everything is still a struggle, but I've quit struggling.
In the two years I've been living with Mom, I see a definite decline. Mentally, it's hard to carry on a conversation with her. She repeats things constantly, forgets what I told her 30 seconds ago, makes up stories when she needs to fill in gaps, and tells me stories from the past, always with a slightly different version.
Physically, I see her walking slower, not as steady on her feet, her eyesight is failing miserably, and she can't hear too good either. She doesn't sleep well at night and many foods bother her stomach.
Emotionally, she gets frustrated, bored, anxious, and I think, lonely. Spiritually, she has a relationship with God and I'm glad for that.
Many of the difficult mother-daughter aspects of our relationship are still alive and well, just compounded by all these new behaviors. So it's quite a mix, and everyday I have to let the past go and step over to the side of compassion and imagine being in her shoes.
Quite frankly, I use to want to live to be 100, but now I hope God takes me before I reach the age where I have lost all means of independence.
Old age puts us in a position to be taken care of like babies but we're no longer cute. Seems cruel, but I guess it's just the final passage of a lifetime of lessons.
If I do reach that age, I hope I still have my mind so that I can continue to learn and grow. I would also pray that I would have someone in my life who would care for me as I hope to be able to care for my Mom.