Fool of a Daughter

by Sue
(Fargo, ND)

Wow. I live the furthest away and am a working woman who was single until recently. Now I am on parent number 2 with failing health.


Neither parent dealt with any end of life issues and just went blindly into old age. Since I am the 'nurse' and only daughter I am left with picking up the pieces. There is minimal and inconsistent help from siblings and their spouses and my parents have taken me for granted and been resentful of necessary changes.

Dad died with no concern for how Mom would cope. She coped poorly and ended up needing to be moved out of her home for health reasons. Now I have spent the last year with her in another state, sold her home, maintained the vacation home I never spent time at and taken her to all her medical appointments for the last year. This is in excess of 3 per week since she is on dialysis.

I am tired, sad, miss my husband and really hate my siblings. How did I became the bad guy?

Since my Mom had her once a year visit from one sibling I am now the unappreciated daughter and not to keen on continuing this scenario. I hate my Disneyland siblings and their families and am getting resentful of the loss of income and time from my own life.

Is their anyway to make sense of all this or is it time to throw them the bomb?

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You're no Fool!
by: Renata

I must say in passing, that 'you're no fool'. At least you had the wisdom to see the need in your parents' lives and acted on it too. You are Wise and Strong! But don't depend on yourself to do this, everyday ask Jesus to help you - if you forget to ask, do it when you remember!

I feel your pain over the apparent dis-organization of your life and feelings. But don't be afraid okay. Trust in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Once you have His Peace... just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you'll be alright at the end of all this.

P.S. I'm looking at how naturally you did all that you did... Contrary to popular opinion, that is not natural to most.

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I agree with Leasa.
by: Renata

You've done really well, and a lot! I am grateful for you, Thank you. I agree with the above comment from Leasa. Ask your Heavenly father for godly wisdom for your life and move foward in His PEACE.

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Communication.
by: Leasa

Without using words like hate, put every single detail that you do for your mother, point form into a letter. Then outline what being the sole care-giver is doing to your life, point by point. No accusations, no hostilities (even though those at times are well deserved).

Add in letter form how it's all making you feel and why you need your life back. Whether your mother is 70 or 99, this situation could end tomorrow with her death, or go on for years. I've cared for people who were over 100, the oldest was 105.

Next, if you have one include a copy of yourself with your siblings when you were young children. Start by saying, we began this journey together, now it's time we end it together.

Outline some ideas for making things better, what they can do to help. Next, ask them for advice and help. It may be time for mom to go to assisted living. Do your best to bring them in. If they still will not cooperate or help, then you have to make changes on your own.

If you were a single woman with no husband or home of your own, then if you have nerves of steel you could handle it. However, you are married now and your husband deserves to be with his wife....that's why he married you.

Good luck. Stay strong and be fair to yourself.

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