Feeling Very Sad
Growing up my mother and I were very close; she let me get away with murder and gave me everything I wanted...as a child this was awesome. However, as an adult, I realize it did me a dis-service; I was not made to be responsible for myself.
My mother just bought us a condo so that I have a place when she is no longer here; the exchange was that I would be here for her for companionship; she is 90 with Macular Degeneration.
Seemed like a win-win situation...however....realizing it's not.
What I did not know, it that my mother is a habitual liar and manipulator; I knew she did this but had NOOOO idea the extent. I now resent her and have anger towards her because I can't stand people that lie, embellish and manipulate.
I even started going to therapy because I feel bad that I don't really like her anymore; she is someone I would normally run away from. If I call her on it and tell her that it bothers me, she is a major victim and says things like "it would be better if I weren't around" and then cries...I have little compassion for this because she is attention seeking.
All of this has me feeling sad; almost like I'm grieving a mother that I now know I didn't ever truly know until now....now that I do...I don't much care for her yet I feel guilty for not feeling like I'm able to be more than civil with her.