Gosh... where to start!! My dad (81 years old) came to live with my husband and I (we are both 51) after my mom passed away in 2011. I had promised my mom on her death bed that I would take care of my father. He was completely devastated as they were married 45 years to the day that my mom died... yup, she died on their anniversary!!
The past six years have been extremely hard; not only because I feel trapped but mainly because I never really knew who my father really was until he moved in with us. When my mom was alive she and I always argued over everything!! My dad was my refuge and the one who always "understood" and didn't argue with me about anything.
But since she passed, I have come to realize (and resent) that my mom was taking on the burden of who my father was (behind my back) and she would respond based on his opinion. I never realized this when she was alive because she never told me, "well, your father says..." but always took on the weight. Living with my dad and realizing this has truly made me resentful and I have found myself not very happy being around him!
Not being around him is NOT an option. We live in a double wide mobil home and he basically has run of the house! He has his room, the room next to his bedroom (kinda like a dining room area which is where he does his puzzles on the table) and then the living/dining room area). He goes to bed around 6pm and gets up around 3-4am; so we do get the living/dining room area between those hours. So, for 14 hours the TV shows are his choice because he feel entitled that the TV is his during those hours!
My husband and I basically live in our bedroom. I work from home, so I am literally in here ALL the time. At least my husband does get to be our of the house for 34 hours each day he is working at the fire department (24 hours there and then 10 hours at his part time job).
I am on a low carb diet and he is diabetic and needs to eat at specific times of the day which doesn't always corrolate to the time I fix dinner; usually around 5-6pm. He refuses to come into the kitchen while me or
my husband is there even though there is plenty of room for two people. He is able to make his own meals
All he ever talks about is wanting to die; that he has no purpose in life without my mother here. He refuses to go to a senior center to meet others that may have the same interests as him... he says, "they are all old people". (that statement frustrates me... what does he think he is!!).
He is ALWAYS into my business; I can't walk in the living room or go out of the house without check in with him. Everyone Wednesday morning he says to me, "you going to bible study?" and/or, "you are going to be late for bible study, aren't you". It is like he is my alarm clock. About a month ago, bible study did not meet so I slept in; at 8:30am he knocks on my door very loudly and says, "ROBIN, YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR BIBLE STUDY"... I guess I should have updated my schedule with my human calendar! I know saying that must seem very sarcastic but these are the sort of things I go through EVERY single day!!!
I would love to be able to walk around my own house in whatever I'd like but I can't. He is ALWAYS here! I know it is very unhealthy for me to feel this way but I just don't know how to reprogram my mind and not allow these things to IRK me so much. I have tried talking to friends and a therapist but they just didn't understand it enough to be able to help me. I've tried reading books on this topic, yoga, exercising, swimming, taking walks, meditation, medicines and even where they put pins in your body (can't remember what thats called) and NOTHING works! I just don't know where to turn at this point. I am considering finding a full time job outside the home just so I can have away time each day from all the stress I feel.
Oh, then there is the financial side of things... he does get a social security check each month but thats only enough to cover his diabetic meds and other meds he takes. We struggle each month making ends meet with the bills.
So sorry this turned into being SO long. I don't even think I touched on everything. I hope someone can help direct me into a more positive direction!!
Thank you for your time and suggestions!