Feeling Stressed is an Understatement!
I've been following the forums on this site for 3 years hoping there's a magic solution to be found in reading other caregivers stories.
Everybody is echoing the same frustrations, anger, resentment, and physical woes that I am.
I don't even have faith that things will lighten up either. I've lost my attachment to my home, decor, and even the plants in my yard that used to brighten my day.
I just don't have the energy or interest anymore in trying to pretend things are better than they are. Not surprisingly, I'm depressed most of the time and there is no way of medicating, drinking or eating myself out of what causes such distress to me.
I'm not suicidal but I must admit there are actually times when the idea of dying to get out of this unmerciful job does come with perks.
The medical field has made sure people live way beyond their usefulness and, now, we caregivers are struggling to manage the ramifications of such.
If nothing else I've learned one thing - there is no way in hell that I intend to live beyond a point of usefulness. I'd rather jump off a bridge than let my daughters go through what I'm going through on account of my mother's extended life.
My biggest fantasy is that she would come to the conclusion that this isn't fair to us kids and insist she be admitted to an assisted living center. But she never will because she cares more about her luxurious lifestyle and ease than she cares about us kids sense of well being. Its a pretty sad state of affairs when taking such good care of loved ones ends up making you resent them to this degree.
If I sound bitter and worn out, it's because I am. I'm empty.