Feeling Stressed is an Understatement!


I've been following the forums on this site for 3 years hoping there's a magic solution to be found in reading other caregivers stories.

There isn't.

Everybody is echoing the same frustrations, anger, resentment, and physical woes that I am.

I don't even have faith that things will lighten up either. I've lost my attachment to my home, decor, and even the plants in my yard that used to brighten my day.

I just don't have the energy or interest anymore in trying to pretend things are better than they are. Not surprisingly, I'm depressed most of the time and there is no way of medicating, drinking or eating myself out of what causes such distress to me.

I'm not suicidal but I must admit there are actually times when the idea of dying to get out of this unmerciful job does come with perks.

The medical field has made sure people live way beyond their usefulness and, now, we caregivers are struggling to manage the ramifications of such.

If nothing else I've learned one thing - there is no way in hell that I intend to live beyond a point of usefulness. I'd rather jump off a bridge than let my daughters go through what I'm going through on account of my mother's extended life.

My biggest fantasy is that she would come to the conclusion that this isn't fair to us kids and insist she be admitted to an assisted living center. But she never will because she cares more about her luxurious lifestyle and ease than she cares about us kids sense of well being. Its a pretty sad state of affairs when taking such good care of loved ones ends up making you resent them to this degree.

If I sound bitter and worn out, it's because I am. I'm empty.

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Feeling stressed
by: Anonymous

I can certainly relate to all of you.
My mom has been living with us for seven weeks but it may as well be seven years.

She is with us 10-12 hours a day. She watches everything I do, she comments on everything I do also. I feel like I can't get a break from her.
I know that sounds terrible to say, but I feel as if she is my conjoined twin and I can't separate from her,

At some point we are hoping to get her into assisted living.I won't abandon her, I'll visit her, taker her out etc, I just don't want her to live with us full time. It's taking a toll.
She isn't happy here and my husband and I aren't happy either.

The hardest part is not knowing when this will all take place or how things will turn out.

Of course if my sibling would be willing to take turns it would help a lot, but of course they all have excuses.

I am morphing into a bitter and angry person, and I don't like it.

86 year old
by: Anonymous

yes, i get it, i love my dad but ten years on from when we lost mum he has lived with me, my marriage broke down, that wasn't dads fault, it was wrong long before that. He has taken over my home and i need to get it back, i feel just as helpless when i left my husband as i do now, maybe worse, dad is 86, bit of arthritis in his knee but otherwise healthy, he is hard of hearing but wont admit it.

He has a TV in his room but wont watch it, so from early morning to last thing at night, its loud TV in the only sitting area, he eats too much, i have 2 brothers, no help from one, the other when it suits, what now, any advice would be great, x

Thank You's
by: Anonymous

My "Feeling Stressed" post must've touched a nerve - I've never had so many responses before!

Clearly, we aren't alone in this struggle and it honestly helps knowing I have empathizing friends out there. Your sense of humor is refreshing too - I love the "boot" idea - as are prayers for all of us.

I'm only surprised there aren't any studies going on about this, especially when it comes to solutions. Even if there were, though, the conclusions would be too uncomfortable for the medical community to admit.

Thank you for your support.

I understand
by: Sharon

I know exactly where you are coming from and I get the bitterness. I'm bitter too and I feel the same way that we are living waaaay too long.

Us baby-boomers are never going to get to enjoy our golden years because we are still taking care of our parents! It sucks. I know it doesn't help to say this; but you are not alone.

Sense of Doom
by: DianneB

My friend! I'm so sorry! Thank you for expressing such honest details. Your words are speaking for so many who go through this.

I just recently lost my mother and prayed that she take the Savior's hand. It was getting a bit ugly in quality. I understand since it is so hard!

As a writer, I am able to release the stress but walking helped with the angst and regrets.

I will pray for you and ask that you get that spring back in your step. In the meantime, look for ways to divert your challenge into your flowers! If there's anything I can help with, let me know!

Remember...It's not really about her. It's about our response to it!
Soon...it'll be finished!

This is Familiar
by: Anonymous

I understand your daydream about dying just to get away from this responsibility. We don't *really* want to die--but it seems like the only exit if the parent lasts so long that we ourselves are mere shells of what we once were.

I have often wished for some kind of health event--not life threatening--that would take me out of commission for a while just so I could get a break. I had a cracked rib after I fell in my hallway, but it healed. A friend of mine wanted to loan me her leg brace so I could pretend I broke my foot.

We're all so desperate.

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