Feeling so Hopeless and ready to Crack
I have been always been close to my parents for years. I have always visited them and helped them with routine things as it gave me joy to be able to help them out.
Several of my siblings live in the same area and are not that close. Two of them live out of the state/area so visits aren't often. My father passed away after a three year bout of cancer and it was a real blow to my Mom to be alone for the first time in 35 years of being married to the man she so loved.
I am married, have children in school and we both work full time to make a decent living. We haven't afforded any vacation in years, just making it.
My family has been sacrificed for the past four and half years since my Mom really started needing help. Then my Aunt moved in with her due to financial woes and she now needs help with care.
My morning begins with multiple frantic phone calls from Mom needing me to come to her place and help her find something, her purse, eyeglasses, the TV remote, her medicines , you name it. She has early dementia. I rush over to find what's missing and fly back to take my kids to school, then drive as fast as my car can carry me and hope my boss is a little late to work like me.
It's mid-morning and Mom's on the phone saying Auntie needs her prescriptions filled and I need to pick them up and get them to her on my lunch hour a town away. I do this because my fellow sisters and brothers won't lift a finger to help saying they have their own lives to live and I can handle it.
I rush and get it done and back to work and finish out the day. The cell phone ringing off the wall again, I have to figure out a meal plan for my Mom, Auntie, and my
own family and I rush back to pick up my kids at aftercare program. It's six now, I rush to store picking up what I'm going prepare and head for Mom's to cook and serve a quick dinner before heading home to cook and serve my own family.
It's after 9 p.m. and I'm doing my own household chores and barely have time to check the kids homework, backpacks for info on school and pack their lunches for tomorrow. I stumble upstairs to take a load of laundry to be done before I can retire to bed. It's after 10 now and I put the washed/dried clothes away and get ready for bed.
My husband is already fast asleep and I have realized all we had in conversation was "hello" and "I'm going to bed". Lately he's been distant and making very critical comments about how old I look and how overweight he thinks I am now.
All he ever talks about is that I've really let myself go and that he couldn't possibly be happy with being that overweight (like I'm some Water Buffalo) and actually commented that my sister sure looks good for her age.
All I could think of is yeah, she doesn't have to work full time , take care any kids (she has none, just two little dogs) and she is at the beauty salon every week getting her hair bleached blonde and her fake nails put on.
I'm sorry, but I am so tired I can't believe I can't sleep right away. My mind is racing on the chores I need to get done tomorrow. I say a prayer for help from our Lord and try and get some sleep.
That's a day in the life of my life these days. I worry what will happen if my Mom needs round the clock care, who will be there for her and my Auntie who neither of them are in great health anymore? I'm so tired and I fear my marriage is crumbling..........