Feeling so Guilty About not Being Close...

I moved to England 10 years ago,when my son was 8...remarried and visited mum and dad every summer holiday....recent years 3-4 times a year due to dads failing health as my mum became his carer.

Dad passed away about 2 months ago,and me being me felt so guilty about mum being on her own,uprooted my son (who is autistic) from all he knows,left my job,my husband and moved back....thinking that it was my duty to be there for my mum, who is 63,a depressive,hermit not a social-able person but does love her dog walks 5 miles everyday with her....so, by no means frail...

Feeling guilty about how miserable my son is in Scotland as he wants his step dad back and his familiar surroundings back but also feeling guilty about leaving my mum behind,I know I don't live in Australia and I'm not thousands of miles away only 300...feeling I've let everyone down.....

Do I try and make a life up here and eventually hubby will come up ( work commitments at the moment don't allow) or do I take my son back and stop being selfish and learn to live with guilt I'm feeling....even when we lived a few miles apart we still had a long distance relationship so never been close close....

I made the move out of feeling it was duty....
or was I wishing my fathers death would make my mum want me around,she has never been a maternal mum, I was brought up with my grandma. Any advice would be gratefully received, need for someone to see it from a fresh pair of eyes ..

Thank you for reading....

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Take Care of Your Son and Husband
by: Anonymous

Go back home where your family is. You can hire an aide for a few hours a week to be your eyes and ears to check on your mom or assist with grocery shopping or any other task. You can also see her 1 weekend a month to check on things and help out with any thing that she might need.

I hate to say it but I wish I had moved far away from my parents long ago. The children that live closest to the ailing parent will be the one that is saddled with all the physical, emotional, and financial burdens and their own children and family will suffer. I know I am absolutely taking years off my life taking care of my elderly father, even with the help of one sibling that lives close by.

I would never do to my family what has become my burden. Don't feel guilty. Offer what you can but take care of yourself and your child first, then your mother.

What are you Doing!?!
by: Anonymous

Read what you wrote, I think the answer is very clear. Take your son home! Are you willing to sacrifice your relationship and life for a woman who is only 63 and can walk 5 miles a day? One as you said was never close to begin with? Guilt? OMG, why on earth would you be feeling guilt?

Did she feel guilt for not being a 'maternal mum'? No. The only guilt that is real is the guilt in your head. Your son and partner deserve much better than this. Go home. If you do sacrifice everything...I can tell you, it will not be appreciated.

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