Feeling Overwhelmed, taken for Granted,and Walking on Egg Shells.

by Heart Broken Tony
(Wood County)

I have been taking care of my mom and dad (step)for about two or three years now. My mom is the easy one to deal with, but my dad is the one I have the most trouble with.

No mater what I do it's not good enough, or he takes everything I do for granted. We have had words twice now. The first time it was over some owners manual. He kept telling me that I had taken them. Which I did not, but he just kept on with it. I finally blew up and left. I gave him and myself time to cool off and then went back after a few hours. When I went back I tried to address the issues, but he wouldn't listen, and I was the one to say I was sorry.

About two and a half weeks ago my mom fell and broke her arm in two places which she had to have surgery to fix it. The day of the surgery, I went over to pick him up to go to the hospital. When I got there he said there was no need to go there now which up set me, because when ever he had to have surgery my mom and I were always there for him and then as if that wasn't enough, my daughter is giving me a hard time......telling me to leave him and get up there but I just couldn't do that.

Now that mom has had the surgery she had to go into an after care facility. I was the one to do everything to get her in, and talked to all the nurses and staff as they told me what mom had to do. Well, I told dad to go up to see mom, and she kept asking when she could go home. I kept telling her what she had to do and started to tell her to move her fingers to get the swelling out of her hand. Dad told me to leave her the hell alone. Well I lost it again, and said fine she can stay here and left. Shortly, dad came to the car and we started arguing. I told him that from now on I would go see mom by myself and would take him up and drop him off and be back to get him. He told me not to bother, and that no one does anything for him and that he doesn't need me..... and that no one treats him as part of the family anyways.

Well I haven't talked to him since then other than last week I called to reminded him that he had a doctor's appointment and to find out if he was taking himself or what, and the daughter that was giving me a hard time, she was trying to get him put in a home, but now I feel like she is using him. because I kept telling her, that I needed a break from taking care of my parents before I blow up.....well, she didn't want to do anything then, but now that I have angered dad, she is over there buttering him up which I feel is just to take from him because in the past we would have a family dinner and he would offer to pay for him and mom, and she was the only one that would take his money which I feel was very wrong, it was a family thing and something that families do. I would give her a hard time about it but she would just blow me off.

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Taken for granted, too.
by: Anonymous

I hear you... I just had something similar happen today. I have 2 sisters but am the sole caretaker of my dad because one sister's far away attending school and the other hardly ever bothers visiting him at all.

He constantly gripes at me and hardly ever shows any acknowledgement of what I do. This includes cleaning, cooking, etc. accompanying him on outings and generally taking care of his needs and whatever else he asks to do.

Recently though, he was asking for my cell phone and said he just wanted to check something on it.

I said sure and handed it to him thinking he just needed to look something up, but he ended up deleting all of my text messages that had my important information.

He got mad after I got upset because he tampered with my phone without letting me know even after I asked him what he was doing and he didn't tell me. A few days later was his birthday, and I got him a balloon and cake and cooked him dinner.

He didn't even thank me or acknowledge, kept typing on his computer and basically ignored everything I did. I wished him happy birthday and just left because I was so hurt.

Thing is, he would insist that family means everything to him and he would do anything for this family if anything happened to any of us, but just on a daily basis he never shows this kind of care.

I feel bad, but I can't not take care of him, he is my dad, so I have to do it, but I'm getting tired of being overlooked and when everything I do seems taken for granted.

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You are Overwhelmed
by: Christine

I'm not sure how long you've been a member of this site, but some things seem to just happen again and again, regardless of the "players" the "players" in the scenarios.

You're not alone and you can't ever expect to be the "correct" voice, simply because you have taken on the job of voice when there needs to be one. That requires being the voice of reason, and your parents are not existing within a phase of their lives where an outside voice of reason is welcome. My Dad's always telling me to leave my (stroke survivor) mother alone, but that only lasts until he really needs help. Then, save your soul if you're not there when the stuff hits the fan.

You're not alone, but you are overwhelmed, and with good reason. It's the way aging works and, pardon my vocabulary choice, that sucks for everyone.

When our society embraces the elderly as a means toward sharing wisdom, maybe we'll stop feeling that old equals inconvenient, and the elderly will stop acting as though having every little thought on their part deserves extraordinary measures on the part of everyone around them to comply.

Please take good care of you, and try to age better than your parents.

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