Feeling Ostracized

by Annette
(San Diego, Ca)

I'm a divorced, no children 65 year old woman. Dad died 17 years ago, I moved in with my 70 year old mother to help her while she went through her transition and many other issues going on in her life.

At the time she was 70 yrs old. I had a full time job, got ill and eventually retired. As she aged, her health and needs got worse. I ended up being her full time caregiver with no pay ever offered, not that I wanted or asked, although mom has her own money, I helped her financially with her bills and bought all groceries and home products, drove her around, took care of her business affairs, etc., etc.

I have 5 siblings who were very comfortable with this arrangement. The only time they ever came around was on holidays and special occasions, and short visits when she got sick. This went on for 15 yrs, with my pleas for help unanswered.

They were finally forced to help when I decided to move out for my health reasons, because It became too much for me especially when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's along with her other existing health problems, but I am still very much involved in her care.

Now that they have been forced to step up and help, I have been ostracized by my 3 sisters, their husbands and their grown children. All except my brother, he's actually the only one that understands. I feel very alone like I have no family.

The only support are my friends who have been there with me through it all. My siblings are now aware first hand of all that's involved in the care, and they don't like having to be taken out of their comfort zone.

My sisters have gotten together, and have gotten their husbands and their grown children on board and are finding any reason to belittle me, ignore me and go out of their way to find fault with everything I do and say. Their demeanor with me pure hostility and hatred.

My desire is to step out completely, and just be the one to visit mom and show her a good time, and leave the whole caregiving thing along with taking charge of her medical and business affairs to them, of which they have no clue.

The only thing that stops me is my love for mom, she would be heartbroken because I'm the only one she really trusts and is more comfortable with, because she has been so dependent on me for so many years. She has always felt her other children never cared about her.

I try not to let it bother me, but it is the hardest thing because I feel so betrayed, taken for granted not to mention the hostility and resentment I feel from them.

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Its a Loney Place to be...Ostracized.
by: Anonymous

I am 51 years old divorced and no children. I take care of my parents....eventually, I quit my job and have been treated with nothing but disrespect since.

I have four siblings (3 sisters) with spouses and children who will not speak to me. Why? because I wanted to go to night school. I have been here over four years without a day off and so on and so on.

BUT IT IS CRUEL TO OSTRACIZE A SIBLING WHEN THEY HAVE NO ONE ELSE. I have never felt so alone and helpless in my life. I would like to advocate for laws to protect family caregiver, that is if I live through this.

We can choose our friends but we can't choose our family. But seriously, PRAY.. MAY GOD HEAL WOUNDED SPIRIT AND HEART.

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Feeling Ostracized
by: Annette

I'm so grateful for your support and positive comments. It made me cry and eased the hurt I feel in my heart. I do have a bucket of things that I want to accomplish for myself that I have been wanting to do, and have started to check off.

May you be blessed for your kindness and your own troubles be eased.

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Praying for your highest good
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing with us such secret and difficult feelings about your siblings and your mother and about your own welfare. After hearing about this, my problems are tiny!

Well, that doesn't help you, but I hope just having a safe place to unload this burden must be a bit helpful. I hope you have faith that somewhere in this experience all the good things you desire will return to you in someway and that your higher spirit sees your noble efforts and all is not lost.

I guess we don't progress spiritually by being comfortable, appreciated and always loved, although of course we all deserve those things and need them like air and water.

But perhaps you could constantly affirm and visualize what you hope and believe you need in your life right now: write it down in the present tense.

For example: I need to find a great counselor to help improve the communication between my mother and I and to teach us about this difficult passage.

On a note taped to my mirror is: "Mom and I find the perfect counselor to help us through this journey." I affirm it, I do the search online, make the phone calls, do the work, and I am certain I will find that person.

Try seeing if you can manifest something you need for yourself. You are a great soul doing great things for your family, now do one thing that gives you pleasure or inner peace, at least once a day. Create your own bliss in this trying time.

My prayers for your happiness!

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