Feeling neglected.

I am the youngest by seven years of two boys. When my father passed 21 yes ago my brother did not think it a priority to visit our dying dad on his sick bed. Now I am caring for our mom who has dementia.


Three years ago I moved her to the city where I live as it was clear she needed to be closer to family. Shortly after moving her into an independent living arrangement she began to have a series of mini strokes caused by the stress of learning her oldest son was about to have a liver transplant. The strokes brought on the dementia and now she needs 24 hr care as she can no longer walk and is incontinent .

After trying my best not to, I finally had to place her in a facility that provides the 24 hour care she needs. I visit her everyday and bring her to my house on weekends whenever possible. My older brother lives six hours away by car. When he comes to visit he's always in a hurry and has yet to spend a full weekend with mom. He does attempt to call her on a daily basis for a short hello, which I think is great. However, on Thursday he informed me that he and his wife were moving to Florida on Tuesday which is 1500 miles away.

I'm having a hard time reconciling how he can move so far away from his family and mom. The move is not out of necessity, rather by choice. I guess he can still make the calls but I know will never get any relief as his financial situation is not stable and in my opinion will get worse. I am so angry right now but refuse to show my anger to my brother. All I can say to him is good riddance.

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Nightmare!
by: Joan

It sounds like you are feeling pretty much abandoned by your siblings and left to cope alone.
You are in a dreadful situation but I hope you are not being too hard on yourself? If Mum is in a care home then she is getting the daily care she needs and you really do not have to be there every day! Relax, you simply can't make everything OK and you will wreck your own life trying to do so....

Do what you can, when you can and remember your mum as she was, would the 'old' mum have wanted you to suffer and struggle like this? If your brothers can't, or won't, be more involved then it's really not your job to substitute for them, they must do what they feel is right for them and deal with their own issues.

All that really matters is that enjoy whatever time you choose to spend with your mum and stop feeling guilty. If there's a financial issue here, then take advice, don't let this situation cripple you!!!
Good Luck!




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I fully Understand...
by: Anon.

...what you're going thru and what it feels like. I am the middle child, only girl, with one surviving brother who lives far away. I am in a situation very much like yours and can only say that we are where we are because we are the ones who show that we will do it.

Leaving the bad/ugly/inconvenient/emotional, etc, etc. stuff to someone else is easy and the truth is that they really don't think about it because they don't have to. Sad but true....but, personally I couldn't live with myself if I just walked away...and I don't think you could either.

Some might say that we create our own misery that way but I prefer to call it "character". Bravo for you!

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