Feeling Guilty

by D
(Basingstoke, England)

I suggested that my mother-in-law move in with us a couple years ago because her health was failing and I feared for her living alone.

She and my husband put it off for over a year. We remodeled the house for her and she moved in....2 months later she suffered a stroke and is now mostly bed-ridden.

Overnight our lives have changed because she isn't walking. The frustrating part is that she doesn't seem interested in trying to walk!

My husband and I can no longer go to lunch/dinner together, run errands or have a day out.

Occasionally, his sister will give us a break, but she is doing Monday-Thursday while we are at work. The only time we are 'free' of caring for her is when we are both at work.

I love her very much, we just need to find help and balance fast!

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Guilt, guilt, guilt
by: Anonymous

When I get up in the morning at my own home, and cannot get going on any of my own projects because I need to drive over to my father's house to see if he is ok, I feel guilty because I have so much to do at home.

After I spend my entire morning and sometimes early afternoon at his house doing things that need to be done for him, I drive back home. I am so spent emotionally and physically, I cannot make myself clean my own home. I try to figure if I am depressed, overwhelmed, disgusted, or yes all of the above!

Today I was so exhausted, I came back home and slept on my couch instead of going shopping for my own family groceries.

Does anybody else feel like they just cannot do it all anymore?

Feeling Guilty, Too
by: kaypasa

I've been caring for my 93 year old mom for 4 years. She's much better than most since she's with it mentally, can dress and take care of toileting on her own.

I help with her showers, wash, dry and curl her hair, do everything around the house and keep up her medications. On the days when she's in so much pain she can't move, I'm the nurse as well.

I take care of getting her to appointments and the occasional dinner or lunch out. Since it's getting so hard for her to move around, it often requires the use of a wheel chair for her.

When she can use her walker, it's always scary because I'm worried abut falls. This isn't where I expected I'd be at age 66, in good health and raring to go. But it is.

I try not to feel too put upon, but it's difficult. My brother comes to the occasional appointment with us, but any real help just isn't there. It's very tiring and I wish for a week off, but I'm afraid if I go, I may not come back.

And getting my mom to agree to have someone live-in for a week is a pipe dream. It's just not going to happen. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I sympathize with you.

I hope you'll be able to get someone to come in to spell you and your sister. It costs, but if you can afford it, please do it so you can all have some rest. God bless you and good luck.

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