Feel No Guilt

by Lee

At one time in your life you also were helpless and demanding, requiring 24 hour care and making your caretakers stressed beyond belief. This is what is expected of a parent. This is not what is expected of a child.

Parenting, wonderful or abusive does not come with the obligation of elder care. No parent should want their child to suffer on their behalf.

If you are able to provide care, then do so. If it is beyond your means, financial or emotional, than don't. No one is expected to sacrifice their life to care for another.

Call their doctor, clergy, social services, local nursing home, anyone..keep calling until you get the help you need. Do not feel guilt. You are of no help to them if you are unable to function.

Die in a nursing home? Do you think they won't die in your home? Angry and bitter? Perhaps at first, but you will be in a much better position to monitor their care in a facility than be overwhelmed at home.

Find someone who will listen to you vent, find something that makes you smile no matter how small.
I just lost my mother after years of care both at home and in facilities. Her decline was stressful both at home and in a home. The drain on finances and emotions is immense but survivable.

Do not allow yourself to be trapped. Do not allow yourself to be devoid of any happiness. You can salvage your life, there is help, you are not alone. Get help.

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I agree
by: Anonymous

I wholeheartedly agree with you! Some of us are able to care for our parents, some of us are not. Some of are taken advantage by our selfish siblings, some have a working team.

Taking full time care of a parent is not something one can take on lightly. It is extremely unfair for those that can and do, to judge and criticize those of us who cannot care for our parents in our homes.

Yes, we were cared for by them, but we should not feel guilty, or be made to feel guilty, because we are not able. I do not feel guilty.

I took care of her and my step dad for many years prior to this time. I am also caring for my son, who is disabled by his severe manic depression. He has developed other health issues. 27 years is a long time to be a care giver.

My siblings were so very hateful and nasty to me when I said I could no longer care for Mom everyday. I cannot forgive them for that yet. We have an agency coming in (no real help) and siblings don't stay very long.

I am trying desperately to get my mother placed in a facility. She is still in her home - with help, but not enough!!! My brother, who has POA, will not act. He is afraid if we put Mom in a home she will die sooner.

Her money will go very quickly. She will die sooner being in her home. She does not eat or drink, she is a fall risk! Those things will still occur in facility, but she would have someone to monitor her 24/7. I wish all of us the strength to carry on, whatever the situation.

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